Written Desires | J.hs

"forbidden fruit"

fourteen
Haven Miller

I didn't know how to think, how to move, how to speak. Hell, I didn't even know how to breathe after a bomb that ferocious had been dropped upon me.

How would anyone feel to know that their idol, someone that admired from a distance, someone who they never thought they could be in touch with or share secrets with — seen them masturbate on several occasions?

This was bad. But I knew that this was my fault.

I intended for someone to see. No, I didn't intend for Hoseok to see. And no, I didn't do this in hopes for him to catch me. I didn't even know that he was temporarily staying across the street from me!

I was embarrassed and when I felt my knees go weak and damn near almost fell — hoseok was there to catch me. Trapping me against his chest and holding me right in front of the very window he watched me do nasty and personal things in.

"Are you nervous now, Haven?" He asked me in my ear. My head shook but I knew I wasn't feeling right. My body was on fire and my heart was still.

"Don't be nervous." He says, tucking a loose curl behind my ear.

"I hope we can still have our Sunday's dinners after this experience." He said, sounding serious. It amazes me how he can move on from one topic and straight to the next with a brand new face of personality.

I cleared me throat. Atleast, some energy was mustered up and I was able to face away from the window and walk over to my bed.

I bent down and placed my palms flat on the bed. Lowering my head as I tried to catch my breath. It wasn't so bad. Things could've been worse.

He could've seen my trip and fall during one of my clumsy moments. Or perhaps, he could've seen me throw a tantrum because my hair wouldn't get right.

This was nothing. Him seeing me masturbate on my balcony? Pst, no biggie. that was fine. Really. It was natural.

"I ruined your mood—"

"No." I quickly cut him off so that he wouldn't get that idea in his head. "You didn't ruin my mood I'm just...thinking." I said.

I heard him sigh deeply from behind me. I sat on the edge of the bed. This was strange. I mean, why were we in distress after he just admitted that he liked watching me pleasure myself?

"How l-long? Like how many times have you seen me do that?" I asked, playing with my fingers.

"Few weeks." Hoseok shrugged. "When you don't do it, I figure it's because of—"

"I get it." I cut him off in a hurry, knowing that he was about to say something about menstruation. He would be correct.

"May I?" Hoseok pointed towards my bed. I nodded. He came over and sat next to me, arms still crossed as he spread his legs at a reasonable distance to get comfortable.

"You do it a lot—"

"Okay!" I cut him off. "I get it. Please stop." I said, my cheeks heating up.

Hoseok chuckled. "Don't be embarrassed." He said.

"It's hard not to be. I thought that this was something I would be into. Voyeurism. That's why I do it, for the purpose of someone watching. But now that you've admitted it I...I feel weird." I admitted.