Early the next morning Dr Bailey goes into Meredith's ICU room. She sees Derek laying with her in the bed.
"Psst, Derek! Wake up!" Bailey whisper yells.
"Wha- what?" Derek sleepily asks. "Is Meredith okay?"
"She's okay Derek, as well as she can be given the circumstances. Derek, today is going to be a tough day for her. Today is her first round of IL-2 chemo. It's going to take a toll on her body. But before I start that, I need to move her to a normal room. She doesn't need to be in the ICU anymore. She can be in a normal room now on the cancer ward."
Derek nods and looks over at Meredith sleeping.
"She did absolutely nothing to deserve this. Why is this happening to her? She wants to help people for crying out loud! She wants to be a surgeon and fix people. She doesn't want to be a patient stuck in a bed! I hate this so much for her!" Derek says as loud as he can without waking Meredith up.
"I know Derek. We all hate this too. But she just has to keep fighting." Bailey says.
They see Meredith starting to wake up in the bed. "Head hurts." She says softly and with as few words as it hurts to talk.
"Your head hurts Mer? On a scale of one to ten how badly does it hurt?" Bailey asks, trying to figure out if she should give her morphine or just Tylenol for her headache.
"Ten." Meredith whispers with her eyes still closed, not wanting to let any light in.
"I'm going to go get you some morphine. Be right back!" Bailey rushes off.
Derek sits in the chair next to her bed and gently strokes her cheek. "I'm right here baby. Bailey will be right back and we'll make you feel better."
Meredith nods and then winces at the movement.
Derek notices. "Just stay still Mer." He notices tears slowly slipping down Meredith's face.
"Hurts."
"I know, baby. I know." Derek hates seeing her in so much pain. He wishes he could take it all away. He would rather him be sick than her.
Bailey rushes back into the room with the morphine and quickly sets it up. "There you go Mer. That'll kick in in just a minute sweetie. Mer, we're going to move you to the cancer ward now. You can go back to sleep if you want."
Meredith nods and even though her eyes had remained closed the entire time she had been awake both Bailey and Derek could tell the second she fell back to sleep.
Dr Bailey starts getting Meredith ready for transfer and when she is ready she starts pushing the gurney Meredith was just placed on.
Bailey brings Meredith with her to her new room and gets her situated in the bed and tucks her in.
"Okay, I'll come back in a while to start her on the new chemo. Let me know if anything changes in her stats."
"I'll let you know." Derek says.
Bailey leaves the room after taking one more look at her sick intern.
Derek sits in the chair next to her bed and holds Meredith's hand. "Meredith, please get better. I need you."
Derek sits by her side and gently strokes her hand.
"I need you to get better, Meredith. I want to live with you until we're old and grey. I want a lifetime with you. But you need to get better for us to do that. I want kids with you. I want a future with you. I can't wait until you're an attending with me.
Derek doesn't realize that Meredith has woken up and is listening.
"Won't be here when you're 110. Why bother?" Meredith mutters.
"Hey! None of that! You have to stay positive." Derek tells her sternly.
"I am positive. Positive that the cancer will kill me." Meredith whispers and then starts coughing.
"You will get better! I'm going to make sure of that."
"I'm not going to survive. It's already spread. I'm gonna die soon." Meredith whispers.
"Meredith, please don't talk that way." Derek says and has tears running down his face at the thought of Meredith dying from cancer.
Meredith just shrugs. "I'm sorry."
"I can't live without you Meredith." Derek said sadly.
"You might have to. I don't want to leave you but I'm just so sick. I don't know if I'll be able to survive this." Meredith tiredly says.
"We're starting you on a stronger chemo today Mer. And it'll be everyday! We're going to make you better! You just need to keep holding on!" Derek says sternly to her.
"I'm trying. It's just so hard. I'm tired Derek. So tired."
"I know baby. Why don't you rest some more?" Derek suggests.
"Okay." Meredith instantly falls back to sleep.
Derek hears her breathing even out and knows she's asleep. He allows himself to break down and cry at the thought of Meredith dying. That can't happen! He won't let her die! They just have to cure her!
I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know if you have any ideas!
I am off from ballet this week so I should have more time to write! But I am also getting a cold ugh so hopefully I'll still feel well enough to write.
