Grey Thorns

Chapter 37- Gaining Control

I couldn't control my breathing or my control over my hands. His lips were heavy on my neck and his body was glistening sweat. I forced myself awake and tensed further as Liams eyes open to look at me. The clock on the wall said it was a little past midnight. He laughs under his breath and looks down at the white sheets. "I still wonder how you can fight yourself so much but still have feelings for me." He mumbles.

"I fight myself because the feelings aren't worth it." I mumble back. "But Kurt's feelings matter right?" He fires back somewhat irritated. I knew I can still get under his thick skin somehow. Maybe he truly does want me... but how could he just shove me aside like that. "He's sweet, and actually doesn't hate me." I shrug.

"Rafael doesn't hate you, Chase doesn't hate you... for now at least. During the last phase everyone will turn on each others throats." He says somewhat cocky.

"Kurt doesn't scare me. He makes me feel comfortable." I say shortly. I kind of liked getting under his skin. Its good to know he still cares at least that much.

"And I do?" He asks and I nod slowly. "When I first met you, yes actually. You made me very nervous." I admit lowly and I saw his smirk in the dark. The only light was from the window.

"Well, youre still stuck with me for the rest of your everlasting life." He grits. "Even though you're Fallen now, a very weak one may I add, you'll still have me knowing everything that goes on in your life. Why torture yourself with that?" He asks and I shrug and sit up.

"What? Are you bothered that another guy has taken interest in me? God forbid someone else love me because you surely don't. Can you make any sense? Jesus, where did we go wrong?" I shake my head becoming more annoyed. I had taken it from his mood we weren't going back to sleep so I flicked the light on. "Love you? You think he loves you? You've known each other for barely a month and you think he loves you?" He asks and I stand up just to get away from him. "I know he doesn't, I was just saying. And since you know he doesn't, why does it bother you so much? Mika likes me too." I shrug and he moves the end of the bed. "Mika is too arrogant for you. I know you'd never like him. Kurt, yes." He says and I shrug again. "And this bothers you why? You've made it clear you don't want me multiple times. What's the big" I almost finish but his quick force slams me into the wall. I flinched and refused to stare at his intense eyes. "Why can't you understand already what's going on?" He grits his teeth. "You're smart enough to have figured it out by now. Come on, Max." He says.

"What are you talking about?" I ask and he hits the wall with the side of his fist by my head while turning his head away. "I can't explain it to you here." He mumbles. I try to push him back and walk away from his grip but he grabs me again. "I'm not done with you yet." He growls and catches my wrist before I back hand him. "Don't..." he grits his teeth. His tone was so dark it made me begin to shake. "Liam, I try to love you. You won't let me. I want to love you. Damn I really do. You know my dreams at night. If I don't wake myself up from screaming nightmares I wake up crying because its about all I want being with you. Then reality hits me in the face and I'm sorry. I don't want to live like that." I say and he looks down and lets me go.

"I wish you could hear my thoughts. Then it would make sense to you." He mumbles.

Right now the voices in my head were still fuzzy. I was beginning to hear more than one but I don't know who's it belonged to. "Liam, you can't tell me to let you go but then not let me move on." I say sounding more defeated. His eyes rose to mine slowly. I don't want him to let me move on. I want him to hold on tight and not let go. I'll never love Kurt the way I love Liam.

"Well tomorrow you're in training with only me for the next 5 days. Enjoy you're beloved Kurt after I'm done with you." He says harshly. My chest started hurting more than my back breaking and growing all over again. I wondered if I was feeling what he was but realized its just me.