A court of shadow and spying (Azriel X OC)

The Chase

Keir.

A shiver ran down my spine as I realised again what had happened to him and I held Azriel a little tighter. He was dead the moment he had claimed me, that much was certain. But as the knife hit his throat, his blood splattered against the wall and my back, I didn't know how I felt. Sure, I was nothing but relieved that he was finally dead and I was also sure that the others would feel no different, yet I would have wished his death to be slower. A death I would give him together with Azriel. But I also understood why Az had acted the way he did. It had been more important for him to be able to cradle me safely in his arms than to take revenge on the man who had terrorised the lives of our friends and mine for centuries. We both knew that if there had been any other option, he would have taken it. And that made me happier than I had been able to accept. Even in situations of danger, Az still thought of the magnitude of his deeds and how he carried them out. We had both been aware that Keir did not deserve a quick death, but my life had been more important to Az than seeking revenge. My arms closed tighter around his neck and my body pressed against his. Azriel grumbled softly as he nipped at my neck and a smile stretched across my lips. I had missed him. Everything about him. He was like my other half and when he wasn't with me, I didn't feel whole anymore.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

His tenor sent shivers down my spine, but not bad ones. I'd forgotten how much his voice affected me, his hands. I had forgotten that there was someone with whom I felt completely at ease and by whom I could be stimulated despite my past without feeling bad and shabby. Sometimes I forgot, but Azriel did his best to remind me every time. I knew he was talking about the dream.

'Did you see it?'

I wasn't sure to what extent he had overheard what had happened through our covenant. Surprisingly, I didn't care. I knew Azriel wouldn't judge me, certainly not for such a situation. It felt good to know how attached I felt to him, how much security and trust he gave me, so I could drop my old habits and be open with my feelings towards him. Still, I wanted to make it clear what had happened and what hadn't. His harsh growl from deep in his throat made me wrap my legs around him, his waist. But the sound sounded like a yes. I took a breath.

'They hurt me, yes. And I think it will take me a while to get over the fact that they did. But they didn't rape me. It was a scenario that often played out in my dreams when I was working as a prostitute.'

Azriel's hands wrapped tighter around me. I enjoyed the comfort.

'Most of the time when I was with Keir, it was without any consent and it often haunted my dreams. I think all that I went through just spun into one of those dreams. And it doesn't mean I'll forget it in a while either. But always before anything worse happened, I thought of you. And then most of my fears disappeared, most of my pain. I don't know why, but you gave me support even when you weren't there. I clung to you, to the image of you, and somehow even the situation with Keir and Ashbury didn't seem so bad anymore. I think it got me through most of the time I was with them. You gave me the strength not to give up. Without you, I don't know if I would have made it.'

My voice had quietened, my legs curled tightly around his abdomen, my hands and arms wrapped gently around his neck. Az had gone quiet, not tense but still in an attentive position. I knew he was analysing every note in my voice, noticing every feeling that rushed through the bond between us. He exhaled deeply and the warm air of his breath hit my cleavage as he rose slightly from my body. Not much, maybe a few inches, but he was already too far from my body again. His gaze alone made my insides flare up like a volcano, but I withstood him, looked into his deep, hazel eyes, which seemed to grow blacker by the second. But I was not afraid of him. I would never be afraid, because I trusted him with my life, my existence, my whole soul. I loved this man with everything I had to offer and I would do anything to keep it that way for centuries, that he was mine and I was his. I let my hands slide down his chest, along his ribs, before I clasped his waist and pulled him to me again, so close that not an inch separated us. His raspy laugh was like a balm to my soul.