A court of shadow and spying (Azriel X OC)

was it Betrayal?

'Nesta?' I called out as I looked into her room. I had knocked before but she had not answered. But I just brought her in. Very urgently.
'Jen? Is that you?' A voice came from her bathroom and seconds later she was standing in front of me.
'Hey', I whispered and sank to the floor. I was exhausted. I had just returned from one of my visits to Keir and now I needed a helping hand, a friend who would listen to me. Nesta had obviously understood, because she fetched the whisky from her table and two matching glasses before sitting down next to me. She filled up and gave me a glass.
'Thank you', I sighed and looked out her small window. Her room was similar to mine, small but nice, just enough for one person. Nesta had been here for a few months now, trying to earn money. Her parents had abandoned her, she had told me, and so we had become friends right away. Most of the time we drank and hardly spoke, but her presence alone calmed my troubled thoughts and left me far from reality.
'Who was it this time?' Nesta asked, unimpressed, as if she didn't care. But I knew she did. Her gestures told me so. I took a big pull.
'Keir', I said before emptying my glass completely. Nesta poured more. And I drank again. And we didn't talk about it anymore.

And yet, I knew how much I missed her. Her blunt, hard way, her righteous chin as she walked the streets. I hardly understood why she had left. Everything had happened too fast for me to understand. Nesta had said she now had enough money and could leave. The next day she had disappeared.

That was over a year ago now. Apparently she had simply gathered enough information and had disappeared here. I dropped onto a bench near the sidra and watched the water. It was still flowing menacingly, glistening in the afternoon light. I rubbed my face, my thoughts overwhelming me. I sank into them.

We laughed. It was the first time I had heard her laugh. We sat together on my bed, shot glasses in hand. I had just told her one of my stories, the one where I had fallen into the sidra when I was smaller. I had been dragged along for at least half a mile before my father could haul me out. But it had been funny. I grinned at her, and barely noticeably she grinned back. It was a process we were making, progress, because finally Nesta was letting me get a little close to her too.
'And who did you take to bed today?', I played and finished my drink.
'I heard rumors that you left the bar with three men. Are you seriously trying to tell me that you had a fourth?', I asked curiously. Nesta just scowled at me, her face had the same stony, bored expression as always. I burst out laughing.
'So that's a yes.', I shouted and rolled around.
'It can't be. Where did they all pushed their dicks in?', I got a slap on the side for that. I laughed again before looking at her. Her eyes twinkled with amusement. Her mouth twitched as if she was about to go off, but she could still control herself.
'Well then, don't tell me', I said. 'I'm surprised you can still walk', I grinned at her.
'How funny Jenna', Nesta said playfully. I sighed when I realized she wasn't going to give anything away and refilled our glasses.

The sun was near the horizon as I strolled through the streets of velaris. I had missed the days here, the time when me and my mother had looked at the clothes, when I had stopped at every candy store to examine everything. But I now found myself in one of the outer quarters. I had not noticed how I had automatically gone to my old residence. It was only a few corners away. But I couldn't go any further, there would be too much tearing up. Too much I didn't want to be confronted with now. I walked to the nearby bridge and propped myself up as I gazed into the sunset.

I stood there like that for a while before I heard someone. Someone coming towards me. And I knew it was Nesta. 'What do you want?' I asked her coldly as she leaned against the railing next to me.
'You want to buck now? Like a little kid?', she only asked, turning her gaze to the sea in the distance.
'Buck? Are you kidding me? I wasn't the one who spied on you, Nesta. Your whole story, it's not even real. What do I know about you, huh? What do I know that's true? I trusted you with everything, Nesta, only to find out that you passed it on to your accomplices, like it was nothing, nothing at all. As if it was easy for me to tell you about Keir and all the abuse I've been trough! As if it was so simple and banal that you told everyone! They know everything about me, about my most intimate feelings and thoughts, which I confided in you, I thought you were a friend, a real one!' I called out.

'I thought I might be one for you too', I whispered as I turned away.
'Stop it', Nesta said as she grabbed my arm. 'It wasn't like that, don't shut me out!', she turned on me.

'That's not what it was like? Are you crazy? You weren't there when the misery came, when I was down. You were gone, disappeared without saying a word! And don't tell me not to shut you out when you know damn well you would have done the same thing, and much faster than me. I wasn't leaving you behind, Nesta, you are. And you know it. But you've already finished with that, haven't you? Forget the past and moved on, like you always told me, or was that a lie too?', I laughed maliciously. How could I have been so stupid?
'Let it go Nesta', I said before leaning against the railing and waiting for her to leave.
But she didn't. And I had known that. And that made something in my heart whole again. Because she knew she needed me, she didn't want to leave. Nesta was just as stubborn as she had been when I had crawled into my room and everything looked like a dark, cold hole that wanted to swallow me up, and she hadn't let up then either. And today she would not do it either. She knew what she had done and she seemed to regret it at least a little. And that's why she stayed, she didn't want me to shut her out, because maybe I had actually become a friend to her. One that maybe she needed as much as I needed her. And as she stood there, looking at me, with that cold-hearted calm that her body radiated, I knew that she wouldn't leave, that she would explain herself and try to make it up to me.

'You're fucking stupid, you know that? All of this is full of shit and this whole situation is wrong! And just because you might stay here now doesn't mean you will in the future.', I spoke.
But in that moment it hit me that I desperatly needed someone to rely on. A friend, who helped me cope and go through all of this. And I knew it would be her. Because even in the Hewn City she stayed and was there for me. Made sure I at least ate something before falling into bed and passing out from the pain. I realized that she stayed. And maybe she still did. Silently, over the year but she might still held to me.
'It doesn't mean we're clear and fuck you but...', i sent her a minimalistic smile.
She nodded slightly, the same smile playing around her lips. And I let myself fall into her arms for a short moment.
Yes, she was a cheater and everything was far from the way it was then, but even if I didn't want to admit it, I needed her more than ever. She wrapped her arms around me and we stood there for a while. For Nesta it was a pretty long hug. It made me stupefied. 'Have you been practicing socializing? Somehow you're doing better now', I muttered as I broke away from her and then punched her in the shoulder, so hard that she stumbled back a little.

'You deserved that', I said, when she started to protest. 'And now I expect you to explain yourself, you hear? Every detail!'

And so we looked for a bench near the sidra and Nesta began to tell.