FUMES [2], jj maybank

20. LATELY I CAN'T FIND THE BEAT

"You weren't even out there and now you're leaving'?" It's not that JJ is mad I check on Wheezie, he knows why. It's to make sure Ward doesn't hurt her and to make sure she is okay as she can be right now. I take the blunt from in between my fingers and place it in my mouth to get my hoodie on, "I will literally be back here later tonight."

"That's not the issue, you refused to even get close to the damn tree, babe! Even Blake and Vanessa did it!" Here we go, yelling at me for how I grieve for people who aren't even dead. I hit the blunt one more time and put it in the ashtray on the table next to me. I look towards Blake who just shrugs his shoulders and then Vanessa does the same.

"Can't make a memorial for people who aren't fucking dead, JJ," My eyes scan over everyone in the room. The deep inhales from Kie and Bailey. The shake of the head from Pope. It's an argument they've heard a million times in the last month but somehow, JJ looks astonished everytime it leaves my mouth.

"Why can't you just let like—rest or whatever dead people at sea do?"

"JJ," Kie warns. "Thanks for the support, babe. I'll see you later. Fix up your damn attitude if you don't wanna have a screaming match later." With that, I take one more look at JJ who runs his hands through his hair and I slam the door, put in my headphones and head for the cursed Cameron household. "Sam! Sam!" Piper's voice calls me and I turn. "What do you want, Piper?" I don't mean to snap but immediately realize I did when her face drops.

"I—I was just gonna ask if you want a ride?" She points to her dirt bike. It's a long walk to The Cameron's. Maybe I should get a ride from her.

"Yeah, I'll take the ride." We both walk over to her bike and when I look at the window on the side of the house, JJ is staring at me. Like I said, the good days are really bad but the terrible days fucking suck. It might not even be a bad day, we were fine before he burned John B's name into the tree. We had sex this morning so....

He turns away like a caught child when I swing my leg over the back of Piper's bike. I'll probably get a passive aggressive comment from him later about it—the ride. "You good?"

"Great, let's go." The bike sets off and away from JJ and to Wheezie.

The big house that once held my best friend feels like a prison each time I step into it.

  Ward can't even say anything to me. All he does is act so fucking nice—acting like he didn't help Weston kill Big John. Like he didn't fucking take the gold from us. And Rafe, we've had so many screaming matches that Rose has had to stop.

  Piper's bike comes to a stop and I unwrap my arms from around her. "I'll see you tomorrow at our shift?" I got a job at the hotel with JJ and Piper—she quit The Wreck for some reason. I just needed a distraction. "Yeah, thanks. I'll see you later or—tomorrow, I mean." She nods and sets off.

  Knocking on the door and hoping it's Wheezie or Rose that answers the door each time is probably one of the most anxiety inducing things in the world.

If I'm lucky, it's Rose and she knows exactly why I'm here and just lets me in.

I'm looking at my shoes and the dirt on them. I really gotta clean them. The big JJ written in sharpie on top of my right foot makes me smile but then the door opens and it immediately drops when I see the dumbass blonde in front of me.

"Rafe."

"Sam."

There's tension in the air. Both our jaws clench waiting for the other to say something rude. I decide I'll be the first, "You gonna move or?"