FUMES [2], jj maybank

13. IF I LEFT RIGHT NOW

 

   DRAINED. I FEEL DRAINED.

I know, I should feel ecstatic. Not every group of teenagers finds millions of dollars worth of gold but I feel nothing except sorrow. JJ's rejection of my affection is constantly running through my head. The pull away from me after his concern and his smile fading when I kiss him on the cheek. I get sick to my stomach thinking about it. Maybe he realized that Weston is too much—or I'm too much. I haven't been home in a couple days. When I got home last night, everyone was asleep. My throat is starting to hurt when I swallow even more, screaming didn't help.

  I have to go with The Pogues soon to pawn the gold but I'm scared to see JJ. I swing my legs out of my bed and check my phone.

sarah has been added to POGUES <3

A faint smile forms on my face. It's all I ever wanted for her to be accepted with us. Her other friends are terrible. Texts from Piper and Bailey are there as well. I forgot I texted them when I got home.

piper: idk what happened but jj is def being weird

bailey: weird of jj to be unaffectionate. talk to him. love u

  The two separate texts from the two girls make me smile as well but it falls quickly when the feeling of his smile fading comes back. It's like it's glued to my lips. The fall of his cheek under my kiss.

  Should I get dressed and then go downstairs? Yeah, probably.

I throw clothes around until I just find a basic top and basic pants. I don't have the energy to give a fuck about my outfit. I even skip my eyeliner and just do basic makeup. As I'm staring at myself in the mirror, I remember when I told JJ that I was scared I'd destroy myself by loving him so deeply. God, I hope he doesn't destroy me. I'd never kill myself over a boy, even JJ, but I sure as hell would become so self destructive it'll scare everyone. Including myself.

  I make my way downstairs and I hear laughter. Blake and Vanessa are here every morning practically. Sometimes I appreciate it, sometimes I don't. I hear Brandon and Justin laughing with them. My mom must still be asleep. Surprisingly, when I enter the kitchen, Marcus is there.

  Brandon is the first to notice me, "Mornin', I made eggs." I step further into the kitchen and everyone gasps and I jump. "What?" I look at Blake who is staring at my neck.

Shit, the bruises. "Can I just have my eggs and go—"

"Is JJ really that rough?" Justin laughs but the other four are still stunned. "That's not JJ. Sam, what happened?"

I shove eggs in my mouth, "How would you know JJ isn't that rough?" I try to joke but my siblings and Brandon aren't buying it. "Because, JJ would never leave marks—like that. He'd be scared to even hurt you. You've told me you had to convince him it was okay to choke—"