I'm with the Band

Chapter 18: L.A. Nights

At the edge of the evening's sunset, I had found myself on the shores of Long Beach. 

An hour walk away from the Denny's had put me on a trail towards the shining ocean, leaving my body to move autonomously as my mind went over the events of the day. 

The sun had just dipped below the horizon. Blue and Purple hues filled the sky in the aftermath, acting as a stunning pastel backdrop against the city lights to my right. The silver buildings stood tall against the open sky, tiny lights from office windows and apartments dotted the horizon. Golden lights on the restaurant beach front illuminated the coarse sand, acting as a heavenly barrier between the sky and the land. As the sun faded so had my negative thoughts. With the scorching sun gone, the city, just like my mind, became clearer; As clear as the city's reflection across the still ocean mirror. 

I rolled my left ankle as I tried to walk towards the calm ocean front, forgetting I had ridiculous platforms on in the middle of the beach. I reached down and pulled them off holding them in my hands as I practically skipped towards the ocean. I smiled as the calm waves brushed against my feet and dampened the bottoms of my too long name brand pants. I yanked those up higher on my calfs and threw my head back in delight as the cool water brought a tingling sensation throughout my body. 

I had never seen the ocean before. 

I looked out towards the open sky and breathed in the salty air. 

With a sudden impulse I crouched and then sat where the water was an inch deep, watching the waves pull back and then gently caress my lower half, not caring that I would be soaking afterwards. I was just worrying about now, the present. I couldn't help but laugh in delight as the water tickled my bare feet. I was alone on that stretch of the beach. No one was watching, for once in my life. 

I was alone on a beach, in a city where no one knew me or judged me or cared and the feeling was as refreshing as the light coastal breeze. 

I stared up at the starless sky, where the light pollution had unfortunately taken over, adding more of a pinkish glow to the horizon.  

No matter how I felt in the end. No matter how broken or hurt I was. No matter how sensitive, or how sad he was. The answer had become clear. No matter what the outcome, I had to talk to Leighton. I had to understand and I wanted him to understand. I had prepared myself for the heartbreak, and the crying it was all inevitable in the end wasn't it? But all I could do is tell him how I felt and he would hopefully reciprocate. And at the end of the day, I would let fate decide our final standings. Hasn't that been what had propelled this all along? Fate. 

I wanted so badly to turn the time back two months where I met Leighton outside the Rock Sound venue and he had kissed me like I was the only girl in the world. I wanted to go back to my dorm room where he had been so desperate to visit me just because he missed me. I wanted to go back to Halloween when he was feverishly running his tongue down my neck begging me to be his girlfriend as if the very thought of me saying no was crushing. I missed him. But I would do this right. 

I stood from the water, wringing out the bottom of my pants the best that I could before turning back to the L.A. streets. I would do this right, when I was ready. 

***

That night I had stayed in a motel in the downtown core a couple blocks away from the Denny's. I had found a relatively cheap place to stay for the night, somewhere where I could get dry and get a good nights sleep. I had time to myself finally and prepared what I wanted to say to Leighton, I had run through the convo a million times in my head. They had all ended a different way. But that was okay, at least I had prepared for it regardless. At 3pm the next day I went across the street to a Starbucks. By 4pm I had put my platforms back on and I was retracing my steps. Back to the Denny's, back through the streets of L.A. and back to the Kill Klub tourbus which I knew would be parked near the music video studio. Their first show of the tour was tonight in L.A. and I wanted to clear things up before Leighton performed so that we both wouldn't be burdened when he was on stage.