𝐌𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

24 | Post-Nut Clarity to Clear the Mind

TOM

You know that post nut clarity you get after you jerk off or have sex? Imagine that blissful state of mind but you're freshly out of jail, have one of the finest penthouse apartments in London and the girl of your dreams is back in your life after thinking she was gone forever.

I'm on fucking cloud nine right now.

In jail, I managed to strike up a deal with one of the lads that I'd give him cash and he'd get me cigarettes. I know I'm always quitting and then starting again, but when I was in prison I needed some solace to find tiny moments of calm in my day.

I should really quit now that I'm out of jail.

With a lit cigarette in between my fingers, I leant against the balcony railing admiring the night time view of the city around me. The twinkling of lights as cars drove across the bridges reflected along the water amongst numerous glows from building; it was serene.

The wind wasn't too cold, it was nippy but given I was still sweaty and running off adrenaline, I figured I could sneak out for a smoke before a quick shower. And yes, that meant I was out here smoking completely naked.

"I knew you'd pick up bad habits being in jail," Y/N said snarking behind me, sliding the glass balcony door closed as she came out here from the bedroom.

"I'll quit, I'll quit," I sighed, taking a drag and inhaling it deep into my lungs. As much as I hated it, I had an addictive personality. Whether it was sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, god damn gambling, I needed something to feel stable in my life.

I turned around to face her and smiled when she too was naked, although she had pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around herself like a little cocoon.

"You giving London a show?" She joked, referring to the fact my penis was out on display. Although, nobody would be able to notice unless they looked all the way up here.

"Not as good of a show as you gave me before," I taunted, holding the cigarette out for her.

"Shut up Holland," she scoffed, taking the cigarette with her dainty fingers, inhaling once and screwing her face up at me.

"What?"

"They're so strong, what are they? Marlboro Reds?" She said clearing her throat and grimacing.

"Winnie Blues," I laughed, correcting her as I took a drag and flicked the ash over the balcony.

She moved closer to my side, wrapping the blanket around both of us and absorbing me into her makeshift cocoon. I smiled, resting my head against hers but being cautious to blow the smoke in the opposite direction to where she was breathing.

I know Y/N doesn't smoke, but she'll have some here and there socially. Maybe at parties or with friends, she never buys a deck of cigarettes for herself though. And she hates marijuana with a passion. Which I don't understand because I've seen her snort cocaine lines as  smoothly as Pablo Escobar but she coughs her lungs up at the slightest of joints.

"Shower?" I suggested as I ashed out the cigarette and flicked the butt off the side.

"Hey! Littering!" She scoffed.

"I don't have an ashtray out here!" I retaliated.

"Take it to the bin inside then. Jesus Christ what a law breaker," she taunted, releasing me from her arms and hopping back inside through the bedroom sliding doors.

As much as I was completely nude outside and she looked like a fluffy little burrito in her blanket, she still looked ridiculously hot to me.

"Yeah you know, jail changes a person," I said mockingly, squinting my eyes and biting my lip jokingly.

"Fuck off, you do realise how psychologically impacted you already are from five months in there right?" She said rolling her eyes and dumping the blanket back on the bed.

"Oh so you're my psychologist again now? Does that mean I get another therapy session between Dr. L/N's legs?" I teased, grabbing Y/N's ass as I followed her into the ensuite for a shower.

"I'm serious Tom, you need to listen to your body and listen to your brain for any signs of post traumatic stress or the effects of being exposed to abuse and violence," she said firmly, turning the shower on and waiting for it to warm up.

"Oh yeah, I love it when you talk all science-y to me," I mocked, pulling her closer to me by her hips and kissing her neck.

"Tom! Oh my god you're just like a teenager. I'm one ear and out the other," she said trying to push me away but obviously not really trying because she was enjoying it.

This happened a fair bit when we were dating. We'd play fight and as much as she'd try to 'win' and push me away or pin me down, she never used much strength against me because she liked it too much. Like now, she was moving her head 'out of the way' when I was kissing her neck, but really she wasn't.

"I did listen though darling, don't worry about me. I've seen pretty horrific things in my life and I've done them all too. Jail was shit, but right now isn't shit. If I break down, I'll come to you first okay?" I said trying to reassure her.

"I don't want you to even get to the break down stage, I want you to be focusing on starting healthy patterns now," she pouted, stretching her hand out to feel the temperature of the water before putting her body under the flowing stream.

I smiled and held each of my hands against her cheeks, squishing them slightly and smiling at her as she frowned. Again, I told her to not worry about me but thanked her for being concerned. I told her I loved her, she told me she loved me back and I kissed her forehead.