stumbling into line (sidemen ff)

Chapter 37: 'say good bye'

It was December, the twenty seventh to be exact, when Josh disappeared into thin air.

Most of his close friends were also vacant and of course, none of them had actually disappeared. It just felt like they had to the outside world.

There was minimal tweets, none from Josh.

There was no uploads from Josh or Simon either and everyone else's were missing them and seemed to have an ominous feel to them. Like a rain cloud was being hung over everyone's head.

It wasn't that noticeable to the naked eye but it was all confirmed when a tweet was sent from Josh's account.

Joshua Zerker @ZerkaaHD

Josh isn't going to be uploading or online for a while. - Simon

Josh had left his phone behind, in a rush when everything happened and Simon had picked it up when he got home and felt he should inform people of something, anything. He didn't reveal what was actually happening and the reasons for Josh's absence because it wasn't his place.

For now, he just wanted to try and sleep. Try being the operative word.

He couldn't get the images out of his head or the choked words escaping Josh's mouth.

He could only imagine how they felt and he suddenly wanted to see Caleb, to be close to him.

So he does, he gets in his car and drives to the other side of London and to Suzie's place.

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Both Josh and Freya sit in a hollow, silent hospital room.

Josh is pacing and looks ten years older than he actually is whilst Freya just stares at the ceiling.

Her eyes are red and her throat burns from screaming. She isn't anymore because she can't and because there is no point. It's hopeless.

A nurse knocks at the door and sticks her head in, a sad, sympathetic smile on her face.

"The room is ready." She says, voice sullen as Josh walks over to the bed and helps Freya up and over to the door.

He holds her up as they walk down the haunting halls of the hospital and he feels like he could collapse any minute. The only reason he is staying strong is because Freya is leaning on him, physically and emotionally.

They reach two double doors and the nurse leading them, Joanne, opens the doors to reveal a room, with calm beige walls and a double bed in the center.

It looks just like a normal bedroom and that's slightly comforting.

They both slowly make their way forward and Freya goes to sit on the bed immediately whereas Josh looks around a little more.

There is an empty hospital crib full of blankets at one side of the bed and a small table with a radio on the other side.

Everyday of his life he always made a point of reminding himself how lucky he was but today he couldn't.

He felt so unlucky it was unbelievable.

He had a child, a son, born too early.

He knew he was unlucky because he had done his research. He tried to prepare himself for something like this though he didn't realise at the time that he could never be prepared for it.

He knew that Freya had a ten percent chance of going into preterm labour and that it was maybe heightened slightly by her previous abortion but barely enough to me a difference.