Desolate ▿ Teen Wolf

Bigger Problems

"Ok, now focus on turning, just breathe."

"If it was that easy I wouldn't be asking for help." I retort, rolling my eyes in the process, not even attempting what Scott was asking of me.

Scott scowls, glancing over to Stiles, "You're such a great influence."

Stiles shrugs, "What can I say, everyone loves me." Straightening his flannel, Stiles leans against the wall smugly.

"Let's try this again, ok? Just focus on-"

I interrupt him by flashing my bright yellow eyes, "I can do that. It's easy really- it's the full moon I need help with."

Scott and Stiles hesitate, their eyes meeting each other's for a split second before their attention returns to me. "To control the shift you need to have something to focus on. Something that keeps you human. Like an anchor of sorts."

"What's yours?"

Scott diverts his gaze, his eyes clouding over with unshed tears. I'm about to change the subject when Scott clears his throat before answering me, "Allison." Scott's eyes meet mine, "Just think of something that keeps you human, something you care about." I nod, searching my mind for something that keeps me anchored. "Ok now, try and shift, but then use your anchor to control the shift."

I nod again. Staring up at the ceiling in slight frustration, I try to think of something that could possibly keep me human. Unlike Scott, my anchor can't be a someone. People just don't stick around for that long and if anything people would be my trigger for shifting. However there is one person- no. I refuse to let my anchor be a person, especially someone who could die, or someone who would leave.

Returning to the task at hand I feel my eyes dilate as I allow the shift to take over, the tips of my fingers splitting over to reveal dark claws. My bottom lip pricks with blood as my upper canines begin to elongate. Bringing my eye sight back to the boys they nod in approval when they observe the completed shift.

"Ok, now control it, bring it back." I nod, biting on my lower lip as I continue to search for something that keeps me tethered.

But the thing is, I'm an orphan. I have nothing. I have no one. That's the whole reason why I feel like I do. Because I have no one and nothing that keeps me human. I'm just a shell of a girl, the human part of me died long ago. Now all I am is a monster with claws.

They picked the wrong girl to save. I should have never accepted there offer.

Because there's nothing. Nothing that keeps me- me.

I have nothing to identify with, nothing that distinguishes me as an individual, nothing except for a file, hidden deep within a state archive. Clenching my fists, I dig my nails into my palms. Doing the only thing I can think of to control the shift.

Feeling pain keeps you human. Pain is the only thing I feel like I can still feel.

A small smile creeps onto Scott and Stiles face as they watch my irises return back to their icy blue. I lay my now bloody palms on my black jeans, hiding the fact that I haven't found an anchor. And that I never will.

"Good." Scott coos, "What's your anchor?"

I cringe, I didn't except them to want me to share. I quickly search my mind for something to use, but before I can stop myself the first thing that comes to my mind escapes out into the air, "My mother." I blurt.

Stiles and Scott freeze, their faces instantly falling in sympathy.

"Before, when I was younger, she used to take me to this place in the forest, I don't really remember where, but she would always take me there when I was sad or angry. So, yeah, my mom...." I trail off, my mind swirling with long forgotten memories.