Misunderstood

XLI

B E Y O N C É
C H A P T E R 41
Friday, January 18
~~~~

"How does it feel to really be a free man?" I asked Jay as I laid on his chest tracing over his tattoos.

"Shit still don't feel real but I owe it all to you," he replied.

"Me?" I mumbled.

He looked down at me, "Bey, you been riding for me since the day we met. You ain't even know a nigga and you still went out your way every chance you got. You took care of my daughter, you convinced Rosario to show up to court, you always make sure I got my shit together."

"It was nothing," I shrugged.

I must admit I have done a lot for Jay but everything I've done was not only for him but because it was the right thing to do and nobody else had the balls to help. I saw the innocence in him the day we met and everything just fell into place from there. I don't know if it was a coincidence or fate but I'm glad to have met him and to be in his arms right now.

"Nobody has done for me what you have done and I can't thank you enough but, ima make sure I show you how much I appreciate you til my dying day," he said kissing my forehead.

I couldn't help but smile, he always spoke long term but that was something I couldn't grasp. I loved Jay but who knows if this will last. I know how it feels to be with someone and think you'll spend the rest of your lives together, get married, and start a family. I lived that life for 10 years and it ended up being the worst time of my life, I don't wanna go through that again.

I won't lie and say I didn't imagine spending the rest of my life with Jay but I just don't want to hold onto that hope and be disappointed.

"No need for all that," I finally spoke, responding to him.

"No need for what?"

"Your dying day?" I questioned.

"You heard what I said," he said sliding from under me and getting up from the bed, "you ain't going nowhere girl. How many times I gotta tell you that?"

I chuckled ignoring him once again, "Where you going, I was comfortable?"

"To shower, I gotta work and be gone before the kids get up."

I checked the time on my phone seeing that it was 5:17am. Jay had got here about an hour ago from handling business and came to see me since it's been about 4 days since we last saw each other. I didn't work Fridays so I wasn't worried about it being early.

"You can't keep leaving Shay there by herself at night either. If you know you're gonna be out all night drop her off here or have Paige spend the night," I said to him.

"I got you ma," he kissed my face, "now come take a shower with me."

"No you're just gonna get my hair wet," I whined.

"That's what shower caps are made for."

I rolled my eyes and laughed, "Jay that's not the point, you know my curls are hard to manage."

"Well go get it done then, you been talking for weeks about getting it done anyway."

"And I told you Paige usually does it but I need her focusing on school and my momma is on somebody's island right now. I don't let just anybody touch my hair," I explained.