Ornery and a Smiling Act

It's time...

ELLO?!?

I got fucking covid :cries: 

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It's been about a week since Tommy's tried to run away, and Wilbur caught him. Since then, he's been alone, hiding in his room and only coming out for dinner and to use the bathroom. He gets worried glances from Phil and Techno. He doesn't even try to make eye contact with Wilbur. He already knows how he will look at him. 'They're still keeping secrets from me; no one has told me what happened. It's still bothering me.'

The only thing that's been keeping Tommy entertained is going to school, playing on his phone, and listening to Spotify. 'The music keeps me sane; without it, I would probably just feel more numb than I already do.' Tubbo somehow convinced Tommy to download Tiktok and Twitter, 'I've found some pretty cool videos on there.'

The self-harming started up again thanks to the situation with Wilbur. He wants to blame him for it, but he knows it's not right to do that, 'I have only myself to blame.' Tommy's upper arms have become something that would give anyone nightmares. He can't make myself move spots, though. His body physically won't let him. And he feels like it would be too much of a pain to move spots now since he's already gone so far, 'I can't help but feel the need not to abuse the rest of my body.'

His room had become somewhat of a safe haven but also a combat zone. At times he finds peace in there, but at other times he feels like he's fighting himself. His mind is the enemy, and his blade is the only thing keeping him safe. Even though he knows it's the other way around.

Tommy still has problems with eating; it's gotten worse too. He avoids breakfast and lunch as much as he can, mostly because it's not an everyday occurrence that they eat together in the morning. It's easy to skip eating lunch at school. Most of his excuses involve him saying that he had a big breakfast or that he ate a snack. But when he's home for lunch, Phil and Techno ask him a lot of questions; Tommy usually just gives them the same excuses, 'I'm surprised that they actually care.'

'At least I haven't had any weird dreams lately, so that's good. I wonder why they stopped? Is it because I'm too tired to have dreams? Or is it because my mind is already so fucked right now that it wants to give me a break?'

At least school isn't too bad.

He reminisced about what had happened on his first day back, lying in bed.

[FLASHBACK BEGIN]

Tommy walks into school and immediately gets tackled.

"BOSS MAN!" Tubbo yells and wraps an arm around Tommy's neck.

"Fuck! You scared the shit outta me!" The blond yells, and a few students look over.

"Welcome back, Tommy," Ranboo says with a smile.

"Feels good to be back," Tommy says sarcastically.

"Man, I have so much to tell you!" Tubbo exclaims, making Ranboo sign with a fond grin.

They walk around the school before their classes start, and Tubbo rambles on and on about shit that's happened since the boy's been gone. Tubbo's energy very much does not match how Tommy's feeling. He's more lively and vibrant, while Ranboos is more calm and peaceful. Tommy tried his best to match their energy, but on the inside, he felt numb, and he just wanted to sleep.

'My arms hurt. The feeling of fabric rubbing across the cuts hurt like hell. But it was manageable... Sometimes,' He often catches himself going to scratch the scabs but stop himself, afraid of the attention it would bring.