4 | How Come I Never Felt Lonely Before?

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Hi. Since I'm restarting this series, please take time to vote on the chapters, and comment. It boost my confidence and also it's always fun to interact with you guys.


"You live in this apartment alone?"

Yixing climbed the stairs slowly as I stood in front of the door to my temporary house, the key already in the lock. He was taking his time to get used to the surroundings. "Yeah. Dad send me a lot of money to have a comfortable life." He didn't want me back in China, I wanted to add but didn't.

"Wow, you're rich, huh." He teased and came to me. "Umm... I have never been into a girl's house without anyone around. Are you comfortable with me being in your personal space?"

I rolled my eyes. "If you forgot, it's me who invited you here." After my embarrassing moment back in the restaurant, I made an excuse that seeing Yixing made me remember home, hence I teared up. It was a lie obviously, but everybody believed it. I turned the key and opened the door, gesturing him to enter first.

He gave me a dimple smile. "Woah. You're being a good host. Aren't you?" He walked into the living room, and I followed him. "Didn't expect manners from you, Fei."

"Do you want me to kick you out now?" I raised my brows and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Still a hot head, huh?" He seemed amused. I turned my back to him and went to the attached kitchen. "I would like water, not that you asked."

I was getting him water. Geez. "Don't tell others that you visited my place. I don't want anyone to have a wrong idea about us. I'm a SM traine too."

Yixing leaned against the counter and folded his arms. "You didn't look like you wanted to be an idol when we first met. What happened?" He asked. Bet, you were curious about the sudden change.

I didn't reply at first, then said, "I came here in search of you." My voice mocked him, but it wasn't a lie. I did come here because of him. But, also I didn't want to explain that seeing him on screen had me take this impulsive decision. Seriously, I never thought of myself in the entertainment industry, but then Yixing happened. Now that I had met him, I didn't know where it left me.

"Really?" His eyes widened. He didn't get my sarcasm. I sighed and gave him a bored look. Shaking his head, he took the glass of water from my hands. "For a second, I actually believed it."

"I don't like you that much." I filled my glass with water.

"But, you like or trust me enough to have me in your house." He stated like the action held more meaning than anything I said. My eyes narrowed at him. "What? I said the truth. You do like me, right? At least 20%?"

"10%"

"15%"

"7%"

He gasped as if I offended him. "11%. Come on you like me 11% at least."

"5%" I tilted my head, challenging him to go on. He surrendered his arms up.

"Okay. Fine. 5% is fine." He looked around the kitchen and then at the living room. His eyes moved to the door in the left corner, my bedroom. "Don't you feel lonely here?"

"I don't get time to feel loneliness." I shrugged. "Would you like tea?" He accepted my suggestion. "This Junmyeon guy, is he any good?" I asked because I wanted best for Hyun Jae. I didn't want her to waste her time on a petty boy.

"Why would you ask about Junmyeon?" He stiffened. "Did you fall for him or something in the first meeting?" His face was clear as day. "Junmyeon don't like relationships, you don't have chance with him. And, he's a calm and shy guy, so your personality don't match him too. It'll be a disaster and-why are you looking at me like that?" His ears turned red.

I frowned. "You're a weirdo. I don't have a crush on this bunny guy. Goodness." I put on the pot and turned on the heat. "What's with the lecture? You crazy or something?"

Yixing looked away. "He's a popular traine. I thought -"

"I don't. I don't like him. I don't know him enough to not like him." The water stared boiling and I filled out the mugs, putting tea bags in. "He's not Chinese and you know how much issue it is in our country." I handed him a mug. "You made me think of something I never thought of. You're crazy."

Yixing sighed. "Good to know."

"That you're crazy?"

"No. That you're looking for a Chinese husband, and that you don't like Junmyeon." He sipped tea and smiled. "This is good." He lifted his cup and I shook my head. Yixing had definitely hit his head during practices. He was acting strange. "So, how long have you been here?"

"Almost an year." It was a crazy journey so far. "What about you? Any sign of debut for you?"

"I don't know yet. Let's see. You've made friends here, I noticed." Yixing smiled. "You're very different from the girl I knew in China."

"I'm a traine. What can one expect to learn but behave in the training period? I'm glad I met Alanna though. We're of same age, and she's good."

"It's nice to see you actually like people."

"Now, you're making me an evil person," I told him. "Well, I'm sorry if people back in China weren't nice to me and straight up ignored me." I gave him a suggestive glance.

Yixing ruffled his hair. "I... I was going through a bad day when I met you. I'm sorry again. Really." He almost took a step forward but stopped himself. "We're going to run into each other a lot now that you are here too. Imagine if we both debute, it'll be a blast."

I hummed. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Did you listen to what I said? Where did this question come from?" He clicked his tongue. "We're not allowed to date during training days. Don't you know that?"

I knew that, but what was up with your tongue deep into someone else's mouth, you jerk. Wait, it was his choice to be in a relationship. Why was I getting pissed off? "I know. Was curious, that's all." Okay, I was coward. I didn't want to confront him. It wasn't like he cheated on me or something. I had no right to poke my nose where it didn't belong.

"Aside from me, has anyone else ever visited your house?"

"Nope. Consider yourself lucky." I washed our mugs in the sink and heard his laughter. "I'm trained in black belt, so I don't get scared easily when I'm alone and some rustling happen around. It is fun to live alone."

"Classic you, I guess." Yixing watched me as I dried my hands with a towel. "But, living with others could be fun too."

"I don't know. Never tried it." I stared at him long. His dimples, eyes full of light and handsome face. "Aren't you going to leave now?"

"Should I?"

Should he leave? Yes. Did I want him to leave? No. I didn't know what was my deal with Yixing. Seriously. We have met only three times, and still it was this comfort I felt around him as if.. as if... I don't know. I didn't know how to describe it. The confusion made me angry because I always knew about what I felt before Yixing came into my life. The control I had over my feelings was slipping away, and I did not like it. At all.

"Yes. You should leave now. It's late." I sounded detached even to my own ears. He nodded, patted my shoulder and left the house. The silence was loud behind him. I did not like it too. For the first time, I wanted someone in the empty apartment. I felt loneliness, something I hadn't felt in a long time.

And, I had no idea if it was a good thing or bad thing.

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