NICO'S MAD LOVE [BOOK 1]

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER FOUR

WARNING: Self-Harm and Suicide.

"N-Nico, nasasaktan ako," I said and forcefully removed its grip on my wrist. I felt him tighten his grip on my hands. I winced in pain. He was like crashing my bones.

"Shut up, bitch!" he growled.

Napaiyak ako. What did I do wrong? He's mad for an unknown reason! I'm so scared. I didn't know what I did wrong to him, to make him this mad.

Nang nasa harap na kami ng isang pintuan ay pabalang nitong binuksan 'to at walang sabing tinulak ako sa loob. Dahilan kong bakit dumiretso ako sa sahig. Tumama ang noo ko kaya napapikit ako sa sakit.

Aww, it hurts.

Hindi pa nga ako nakakatayo ng sampalin ako nito ng malakas. Umalingangaw ang tunog ng pagkakasampal nito sa 'kin sa buong kwarto.

I touched my cheeks where he slapped me. "Did I do something wrong?" I asked bravely at him.

His eyes become more dark. "Who told you to talk?" madilim na sabi nito. Sinakal ako nito. Napahawak ako sa kamay nitong nakasakal sa leeg ko ng mahigpit. Pilit ko 'tong tinatanggal sa pagkakasakal sa leeg ko. I can't breathe. Is he trying to kill me? Yeah, obviously.

"P-Please, l-l-let m-me g-g-go..." I hardly said those words because of what he was doing to me. Choking me.

Wow, is this my end? Well, I better have a silent death than suffering pain death. Damn, if he wants to kill me. Just poison me straight to the point or stab me straight to my heart. So that all my sufferings will stop.

I'm the happiest battered wife in the world if that happens. I didn't utter any words after, I just let him choke me to death. Waiting for my end. If that'll make everyone– everybody happy so be it. I'm sad all my life after all. Ending my sorrows and pain is not a bad thing for me.

I'm going to say thank you to Nico after my death. I'll surely hunt him into his dream. I felt his grip on my neck loosen. I opened my eyes.

Napaubo-ubo ako habang nakahawak sa leeg ko. Tiningnan ko 'to.

Walang emosyon lang 'tong nakatingin sa 'kin habang nakatiim ang bagang nito.

"I'm not stupid enough to not know what you're trying to do, lady. I'll never grant you your wish. Wife, that's not included in my plan. I still have a long list of how I'll make you suffer in this marriage."

Napaiyak ako. "All of you really hate me so much. I didn't even do anything wrong with you guys." Mahinang sabi ko.

"You don't know what you're saying bitch, so fucking shut up,” he coldly said.

"Then, tell me! I'm tired of this shit! Why can't you guys tell me the reason?!" sigaw ko.

"How dare you talk back!" he then punched me in the chest. 

"Awww..."

I could hardly breathe. Damn. He punched my chest so hard. Napahiga ako sa sahig. Catching my own breath.

"Remember this bitch, I won't go easy on you," he coldly said, after that he left me in the room.

Napapikit ako. I sobbed. Just please kill me. I hate this life. So fuck up.

Tulala lang akong nakatitig sa kawalan. Hindi pa rin ako tumatayo sa pagkakahiga ko sa sahig. Tulo ng tulo ang luha ko sa pisngi ko.

You are strong. You are capable of going through anything. all you really have to do is believe, that is the key. I encouraged myself.

Napahalakhak ako ng mapait. Funny isn't it? I always say and remind myself that I'm strong, that I can handle this shit life of mine when in fact I'm on the verge of giving up.

Nanghihinang tumayo ako at nagtungo sa bathroom. Nanginginig na mga kamay na binuksan ko ang faucet. Nag hilamos ako. Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa salamin.

Staring blankly at the mirror. I feel nothing. I feel so empty. While staring at the girl in front of me I can't help, but say 'This is not me anymore.' Paled lips. My cheeks, eyes, and neck were all bruised. I have cuts on my lips.

Napatingin ako sa  dibdib ko. Mabilis ko 'tong tinakpan. I winced in pain. Parang hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko.

Napahikbi ako. Sinabunutan ko ang sarili kong buhok. I screamed. Dinampot ko ang nakita kong flower vase at hinampas 'to sa salamin. Paulit ulit ko 'tong ginagawa.

Naramdaman kong may mainit na likidong tumutulo sa kamay ko. Napatingin ako dun.

Blood.

“You must survive, Selene. Diba sabi ko sa 'yo babawi si ate?”

“Ate will always be here for you, bunso.”

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko. Napasigaw ako ng malakas ng sumakit 'to ng sobra. Rinig na rinig ko ang kalabog na nanggagaling sa labas. I locked the door of the bathroom so no one could enter.

Iyak lang ako ng iyak. Ayaw ko na. Tama na. Please. Napatingin ako sa basag na vase. Kinuha ko 'to. Ngumisi ako. Tumingin ako sa salaman. Puno ng luha ang mga mata ko.

"My parents hate me and abandoned me. My husband is treating me like an animal and hates me too. I might as well kill myself... so that they'll be happy once I'm gone." Mahinang sabi ko habang humihikbi.

Inangat ko ang kamay ko at tinutok 'to sa leeg ko.

"OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR!" I heard a voice shout from outside. Well, that voice. It's from  Steve.

Kulang na lang lumipad ang pintuan. Narinig kong pinagsisipa at pinagsusuntok nito ang pintuan.

Shouting, "Selene! Open this door, what's happening?!"

Pumikit ako kasabay ng pag diin ng basag na vase sa leeg ko. Napasigaw ako sa sakit. Ilang sandali lang ay nagdilim na ang buong paningin ko. But before that I heard Nico's voice.

"What the hell is happening here, Steve?" Bumagsak ang katawan ko sa sahig.

I woke up to feel someone caressing my cheek. I opened my eyes. Steve's sad face first flashed at me. I sat on the bed. I softly smiled at him.

"Steve," tawag ko sa pangalan nito.

Nakatitig lang 'to sa akin. I averted my eyes from him. Pinagtuonan ko na lang ng pansin ang kamay kong naka benda.

"Selene, don't do that again." Mahinahong sabi ni Steve sa akin.

I bit my lower lip. Naradaman kong papaiyak na naman ako.

I looked at him. "Why?" mahinang tanong ko.

Kumunot ang noo nito sa naging tanong ko. "What why?" he asked quizzically.

"Why am I still alive?" mahinang tanong ko rito. Napamaang 'to sa naging tanong ko.

Naramdaman kong may luhang tumulo sa mga mata ko.

"Alam mo ba, Steve. Lagi kong tinanong ang sarili ko kung bakit pinanganak pa ako kung ganito lang naman pala ang mararanasan ko sa mundo? Bakit... Bakit pa ako pinanganak? Sana pinatay na lang ako no'ng pinagbubuntis pa lang ako. P-Para hindi ko na dapat maranasan at maradaman lahat ng sakit. Hindi ko na kaya." Puno ng hinanakit na sabi ko.

Pinagsusuntok ko ang dibdib ko. Napahagulhol ako. Why am I still alive? I don't want to live! I want to die and rest peacefully!

"Hey, stop it." Pigil sa akin ni Steve. Hindi ko 'to pinakinggan.

"Don't stop her." A cold baritone voice said.