NICO'S MAD LOVE [BOOK 1]

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER TWO

First comes attraction. You are attracted to someone... but, if you get what you are attracted to, very easily the charm goes away- it dies out very fast. However, if what you are attracted to becomes just a little bit difficult to have, then you develop love for it. Have you experienced this? Have you observed this?

Have I? I asked myself.

I'm reading this Secret of relationship talks about H.H Sri Sri Ravi. Shankar.

I'm on the balcony right now. Guest room. Kung saan ako natulog kagabi.

I'm drinking my milk while reading. I don't drink coffee, to be honest. It tastes unpleasant to me and is also bad for my health. It's much better to drink milk.

I continued reading. Now, you fall in love! Then what happens?

'Love?' Never.

It's because you love someone, that you give yourself... and then you start making demands on that relationship. Now, when you start demanding, love deminishes. All the thrill, joy- everything- seems to be fading away. So then you say, " Oh! I have made a mistake!" Now there's struggle and pain to get out of it... and after you've got out of it, you get into another relationship- one more relationship- and the same story repeat itself.

Napahinto ako sa pagbabasa. In that case, why love? Love is just pain in the ass. Because of love many people are hurting and suffering.

Napadako ang tingin ko sa susunod na page.

Q: Why do people get angry and hurt their love ones? How can we stop doing this?

Hurt is part of love. It is because you have loved, that you feel hurt. Nobody tries to hurt you. When you are in love, you are in such a delicate space, that a simple action- even an act of non- deliberate ignoring- hurts you; an act of difference hurts you. It's not that "They" are being indifferent deliberately; they are indifferent due to circumstances or situations, but, because you are in love, you are in such a vulnerable, delicate situation, condition and state of mind- that is why these things hurt you very quickly. Take "Hurt" as part of love... and then you will feel very safe.

Napanguso ako. Paano ka naman magiging safe kung masasaktan ka lang naman?

Sinara ko ang binabasa ko at napabuntong hininga.

Bakit nga ba ako nagbabasa ng ganito? Damn, I don't even believe in Love. Why would someone love me anyway? Even my own parents and husband can't love me. I'm not a lovable person. I was born not to be loved, but to be hated.

All my life, my parents never fail to show their hatred towards me which is why I don't understand. I can't help but to think and ask myself. Am I really their daughter? I'm sure I am. From my Dad's look and features. Namana ko.

Ang hindi ko lang namana kay Dad ang buhok at mata ko. I got my eyes from my mom.

My eyes are blue. My mom is not pure Filipino, she's half British. Originally, my dad was pure Filipino.

No doubt I'm their daughter.

I just don't really understand why they're treating me like trash? Did I do something wrong to them? As far as I remember, none. Which confuses me. Because my parents are acting like I have done something. I didn't remember anything that I did one, all my life.

I'm sure of that.

Biglang pumasok sa isip ko ang nangyari kagabi.

"It's not my fucking business, you have eyes, hands and feet. Look for another vacant room. Just not here. I don't want to see your face. Out."