I Do(n't) **LOKI**

Chapter 22

Ida's POV-

Everything seemed more and less confusing than ever at the exact same time. Suddenly, Loki seemed like he might actually be capable of love; however even though we were legally already married, actually preparing for a second one was where the confusion mostly came in. I did not know what he had in mind, nor even when he planned for this to take place. It was hard to plan anything if this was to be secret. It wasn't like I had to worry about decorations, or anything, but obviously I still wanted it to feel like a wedding.

So I mostly spent the day outside, laying on my stomach with a notebook in front of me and tapping the end of the pen against my chin. I was trying to write my vows, but it was definitely not easy because still I barely seemed to know the man.

He did not come across as the type of man who would want some ooey gooey words said to him. Plus, that would prove to be somewhat awkward for myself. I imagined looking up into his eyes and faking this sappy paragraph about how he meant the land to me and how I could not imagine a life without him. That would be a lie, after all. 

It was quite easy to picture everything without him. Life would have been so much simpler if I had not moved into the castle for the stupid arrangement in the first place. Chances were that I never would have met him and would have ended up with Ossar, or something. Also, he had still hurt me too much to be able to go on about what he meant to me.

I kept scribbling things down and whispering them out loud to myself, but nothing seemed to fit. He was a prince, and so deserved a royal statement. I wanted to be myself, though. I wanted to be honest and sweet at the same time. There was an invisible line between overstepping and under stepping that I had to somehow find the perfect medium for.

Why do wedding vows have to be so stressful?

He was probably not even worrying about all of this too much. The last I had seen, he was sitting in that stupid desk chair reading that stupid book. All he had in mind was probably just to get all dressed up and kiss me by the window, perhaps whispering an "I do" under his breath. I was possibly overthinking the entirety of this happening. Undoubtedly, it would be anticlimactic and I would end up looking dumb for spending so much time on words that should have been much more simple than I was allowing.

Sometimes, I wished I could read minds. Then I could always know what people were thinking about me and planning. It would also be a nice safety net, because I would be able to tell if I was in danger, or not.

On the other hand, there surely would be so much more pain. I knew people did not always see me as the greatest in Asgard. Why would they? I was a peasant who got her "lucky break" by marrying into royalty. This should never have happened in the first place. It was something that didn't happen. I was a punishment for an avoidable mistake of disobedience, and that was a fact that too many people knew. It was almost starting to feel like people knew more about me than I knew about myself.

Imagine that.

I decided to take more of an outline approach to my vows, sketching the type of things I wanted to say. I was always better at speaking on the spot. Never once had I stood in front of a mirror rehearsing something that I was going to say. The right thing just always came.

1. How I felt at first

2. How I feel now

3. What I am willing to give to him (loyalty, honesty, etc.)

4. How I plan on being a good wife

5. How I pledge myself for the rest of my life

It seemed like a fool proof plan. I could always remove or add things in the moment, but if I could get these five things memorized, this thing should be significantly less stressful.