I Do(n't) **LOKI**

Chapter 16

Ida's POV-

Unsurprisingly, Loki did not show up to dinner. Sif did not either, which lead me to wonder if the two of them were together...again. 

It would not have shocked me, honestly. I did not really know how to decipher any of Loki's emotions, and at this point I did not want to waste my energy trying. Perhaps it would be for the better if we kept our relationship strictly distant unless we were in front of other people. That way we would not have any expectations of each other, and by 'we' I mean me. Plus, in that case the reputation of the kingdom would be perfectly fine. Everyone else would assume we were  happy couple...even though behind closed doors it could not be further from the truth.

I did not want to have to expect him to be loyal if I was going to have to force him to. You can not force love, it is just not possible. No one wants to be with someone that does not want to love them. Much less be married to them...

I knew that would mean a lot of different expectations of life for myself. I would not be able to have sex with anyone, because I would still keep my vow to Loki, whether I had wanted to initially make the promises, or not. I also would not allow myself to come up with fantasies about any of the other men that would come along. That is like cheating on someone in your mind, which to me is no better than physically doing it.

I would die a virgin, it was inevitable. It wasn't like that was one of those things that would bug me, though. Sex was something I never really craved. Maybe my drive was just low. If I had ended up with someone that I could have had a strong enough emotional connection with, then sure. But that would never happen, now.

Instead, my fate was to live my life facing the wall while I slept, and spending the days outside avoiding Loki at all costs. If I was lucky, maybe I could plead with the king to grant me my own room. Although, that would seem fairly ungrateful considering that he had done too much for me already. He was a gracious man, and I refused to take advantage of that.

After a dinner of trying to keep conversation and attempting to act like everything was completely fine, Thor and I went upstairs to his room. It was closer than comfort to Loki's bed chamber, and I had this inward fear that he might happen to come out of his room as we were going into Thor's.

At the worst, I imagined him and Sif coming out naked, even though there would be literally no reason to do that on even a normal day.

But luckily, we made it inside without being spotted. Thor seemed to be significantly more laid back about the whole situation than me. His posture was relaxed, nearly as if nothing had happened at all. I liked to think he was only that way because standing up for me against his brother would be easy if it came down to it. Thor was strong, and incomparably more muscular than his half brother. It would not be arduous in the slightest for him to win any kind of confrontation. Obviously, I did not want that to happen if it could possibly be helped. I wished no harm toward Loki, I just did not desire to be with him.

We were not made for each other. Simple as that.

"You can change if you want. There is a washroom over there" Thor nodded towards a door with a connecting room-just like Loki's.

"Thank you" I dipped my head at him, gratefully.

"If there is anything you need at all, let me know" he gave me a friendly smile.

"I will" I went to the bed where Fandral had laid out a dress and a book.

I did not see my nightgown on top, so I lifted them both up to see if somehow the smaller garment was trapped underneath. But there was nothing, but sheets.

"Uhm..." I hesitated. "Fandral forgot my night gown..."

"I can find something" he waved off.

He went over to a tall dresser and opened up one of the drawers. For a couple seconds, he rummaged around before lifting out one of his shirts.