Harry Styles
I was currently in the bedroom waiting for Cleo to come back from downstairs, because she went to get us a bottle of whiskey and some ice, for our little celebration tonight.
Well, celebration wasn't quite the term... we were leaving tomorrow and all our bags were packed already, apart from a few things I planned on using tonight.
We were just trying to relax these past few days and spending some time together. I actually needed a drink, even if I wasn't planning on getting drunk on anything other than Cleo herself.
It was our last night in L.A. and Zayn had already left for New York, he arrived there this morning and he texted me to let me know he was okay, and it'd been four days now since Gemma left.
My heart broke into tiny little pieces when she walked out of the kitchen and simply left, I knew she was scared of me, that's why she didn't hug me or dared to step closer. But I couldn't blame her or feel angry, I was the one who lied and I put her in this situation. She had every right to never talk to me again, but her words were kind... she needed some time to process all this and I only wanted her to be safe and happy.
I was feeling like shit, there was no way to lie. That's why I needed this: to completely allow myself to get lost in Cleo and feel something good... I needed to feel in control again, my brain was torturing me because of what happened.
The break-in, Zayn getting shot, or Gemma leaving... I was blaming myself for it all and my anxiety was shit. Cleo was trying her best to keep me calm but I knew she was on edge too, this was too much and we were reaching out limit.
We were tired.
Maybe that's why going to New York didn't seem much like a bad idea, it'd take us about three to four days to get there by car if we stopped along the way, and I was kinda excited about spending this time with Cleo. It reminded me of when we first traveled together, back when we still tried to pretend we wanted to kill each other.
We discovered new music together, ate some gummy bears, laughed... it wasn't all car chases and shootings. These little moments with her meant the most to me, it made it seem like we could be alright. Like it all was going to work out.
That was the plan though, that's why we were being careful and not impulsive. I really wished we could keep this up, it was hard to not let our
emotions get in the way, but we had to think of our safety. We had to decide what was worth it.
So that's why we decided to celebrate our last night here, despite all the chaos and all the pain we both went through. From meeting Anne to finding out the truth about my past and being trafficked, from Cleo finally allowing herself to stop feeling numb and dealing with her grief to her kidnapping...yeah, a lot of bad shit happened, we were drained emotionally.
But Cleo also made sure to remind me of the good things we experienced in L.A., she was being way more optimistic than usual and I appreciated it very much.
She reminded me of the matching tattoos we got, how we grew even closer and stronger together, our date... the late nights she asked me to sing to her, and the way we both faced our fears.
I had to remind myself that I should be proud too... I was bombarded by painful truths and yet here I was. Yes, I made some mistakes and acted like an asshole too, but I just knew I had improved from the old Harry who was just existing and acting like everything was fine. I had a life with Cleo now, even though it wasn't exactly a normal one, but she meant the world to me and that should be celebrated.
We deserved to feel proud of ourselves too, handling this much pain wasn't easy. No one liked to be reminded of their weaknesses or how weak they were, especially someone like me. But I was learning... and I just wanted us to be alright.
