Harry Styles
"Thank you, I needed this," I told Cleo, just closing my eyes and leaning back on the jacuzzi as I finally allowed every single muscle in my body to relax.
God, I was so fucking tense.
"Anytime, baby." She chuckled, sitting opposite from me and I could feel her intense gaze even with my eyes closed.
We hadn't taken a bath in here before, just showered in the large cubicle on the other side of my bathroom, but Cleo surprised me tonight when she pulled me out of the bedroom and said she had something planned.
This something was a very hot bath in the jacuzzi, the lights were dimmed in the bathroom and we could also see the city lights from up here, it was a beautiful night.
I wasn't expecting her to do this, to be honest. I thought we'd just go to bed and maybe talk a bit, but this was a much better alternative. And to be honest, I fucking missed her. I'd been feeling so distanced from everything and everyone lately.
Cleo seemed nervous though, as if she thought I'd say no to this. I could never say no to her, and I was starting to go through withdrawals.
I missed her touch and her lips against mine, her shaky breaths whenever I'd pull her closer and bite her lower lip... my wandering hands on her skin as I traced the dimples at the bottom of her spine... We hadn't been doing anything but just kissing a little here and there, we were all so stressed and focused on other things. And both Zayn and Gemma were still downstairs, probably asleep by now since it was past one a.m..
Cleo was being so fucking helpful these past days that I felt like shit for being a jealous asshole to her, there were so many things I regretted saying.
To her and to Zayn, I'd already apologized to Zayn yesterday and we were trying to make things go back to normal.
Well, they couldn't be normal again given all the other shit that happened, but I was hoping they could be better.
Especially since I talked to Gemma earlier today... we talked for hours.
Mostly about Ash or nothing too personal about myself, it wasn't a heart to heart or anything like that. I could tell we were both nervous around each other and I didn't want to seem selfish, she had just lost her girlfriend.
Actually, Zayn and Cleo were there with me because I realized I couldn't do this on my own just yet, but I was hoping to talk to Gemma tomorrow maybe... talk a little more about us and about me.
I was in a really bad place yesterday and I thought I had to be fine and pretend I could handle all this, but I couldn't. It didn't mean I wasn't strong enough, but it was hard to convince my mind of that.
I needed help.
So that's why I asked them to join me and help me explain a few things to Gemma, and I followed Cleo's advice on telling my sister the truth about Ash. We obviously toned it down a bit, but we told her Ash had some conflict with a rival gang and that's why they were attacked.
Gemma was very shocked and just stared at us, and this was very fucking difficult but she deserved to know, well, she was in the house when it happened and now there was no point in hiding it from her. It would be painful, that was for sure... I mean, the woman she loved did lie to her for years.
But my sister was much calmer than me and she didn't lash out or got angry, she just cried. She probably reacted like a normal person, I would've probably broken a lot of things and said some shit I'd regret later, and I really admired my sister's strength.
I also told Gemma that I knew Ash because she was one of Zayn's business partners, and I listened to Cleo again and we agreed on not telling my sister about how fucking chaotic our situation truly was. I couldn't explain just how much Ash had helped us because I was terrified Gemma would somehow blame me for her death, I already blamed myself enough and I couldn't bear it if my sister did too.
