If You Go Down, I Go Down With You

Our Son

"Take a deep breath Eliza. Give me one more push." The doctor says. "One more push and you get a beautiful baby boy." She says.

I push. One more time. I take everything have to push so that I can see our baby boys face. So I could hear his first cry. One more time. I push.

Giving birth was the hardest thing I had ever done. It hurt like hell. It hurt worse than hell. I felt like my body was ripping apart.

But James. He held my hand. And he told me he loved me. Over and over. Until that last push. And even after. He confronted me. And he held me.

And after that last push, he held our son. That last push, and I heard a cry. And then James cut the cord and the doctor handed him out son.

I looked at him and then I looked to James. James was crying, and I was crying. And our baby boy had stopped, and was looking at his father in awe.

He looked exactly like James. He had his eyes, his nose, his chin. He had his hair. He was perfect. James placed a soft kiss to our sons head, and whispered through his tears, "hi baby boy" he said, "it's your daddy." His voice trembling. But his hands were steady. He was a natural.

"Hi baby." I whispered as James handed him over to me. I held my baby in my arms and I looked down at him and smiled. "Hi baby boy. It's your mama." I couldn't help but cry.

I was so overwhelmed with love. Pregnancy and birth were unbearable at times but it was worth it to be where I am right now.

"He looks just like you." I said and I look up at James. His arms are wrapped around both the baby and I and he's snuggled up to me.

We couldn't get close enough to each other. I wanted him to hold me, I wanted to hold him, and I wanted us both to hold our son. I wanted to hold my boys.

I kissed him softly and rested my head in his chest as we held our baby together. "Eliza you are so strong, and I can't thank you enough for bringing our son into this world. I love you so much." He whispered into my hair.

"Don't ever thank me James. I told you. You played a part to. And just because you're not pushing him out or carrying him doesn't mean I'm on some pedestal to you. You're his father. Abs you're already an amazing father. He's so lucky to have you."

"He's so lucky to have you too doll. You're an amazing mom and I can't wait to knock you up again. So we can have more babies."

"James we don't even have a name for him. And I need to heal. I love you, and I miss our sex so bad. So so bad. But I need to heal. My vagina hurts."

"Understood, so, What are we going to name our son babygirl?"