Finally Free Again

23

Warnings:
-Eating disorder behaviour (starving)
-Numbers (extreme weight loss)
-Passing out/coma

Clay's POV

~ A Few Weeks Later ~

A few weeks passed by when I walked to school slower than I had ever done. I genuinely never felt this bad, last time I was mentally very motivated to lose which caused me to ignore the physical symptoms, but now...

I was mentally and physically completely exhausted. I was so tired that I only exercised half an hour a day since I passed out every time I ran or jumped longer than fifteen minutes.

I wanted to call the nurse and went to her one time, but she wasn't allowed to know that I starved again. Only my dad and mother knew but they didn't do anything about it. My father called me a pig twice and then he even hit me once because he was still wasted every day.

I had to sit down on a bench while walking to school and closed my eyes. I could genuinely fall asleep right now, but I barely slept anymore. I knew my body was giving up this time, I knew it for sure.

After weeks of no food, barely any water and too much exercise, my body gave up and this time I knew it did. My weight dropped so dramatically that it even worried me, it dropped almost as low as I used to weigh at my lowest weight. I was just above a hundred pounds right now, but I was giving up.

People looked at me like I was someone from a horror movie and I started realising that this weight maybe didn't completely fit me. Unfortunately, the voices in my head were so incredibly strong that I kept starving even though I knew I was dying.

I was debating if I should call my nurse to pick me up, but she didn't see me for a long time. She didn't know how much weight I lost and I knew she would take me to the hospital.

But even that didn't sound bad anymore. I was so tired and so exhausted that I knew I was going to die very soon if I didn't ask for help. I also knew the nurse was currently at work, but my parents wouldn't help me and George was in an eating disorder clinic today without his phone.

I grabbed my phone and still ended up calling the nurse. I was very nervous about this because I didn't tell her that I relapsed and I was scared I'd disappoint her.

'Clay? Are you okay? You never call me during these times, so I wanted to pick this up.'

'I lied to you,' I whispered. 'I relapsed very badly and my body is giving up, but so am I this time. I can't even walk anymore and I'm sitting outside, my parents don't help me.'

My voice was so incredibly weak and hoarse that I was surprised she heard me.

'Can you share your location? What's your weight, sweetheart?'

'101 pounds.' I closed my eyes because of how tired I was, but I didn't want to move because I was afraid I'd pass out.

'Honey, we are bringing you to the hospital immediately.'

'I'm giving up,' I mumbled. 'I'm so tired.'

'Okay, stay where you are unless there's someone near you who you know and can take you inside.'

'No one here,' I answered quietly. 'I'm not okay, I think I will pass out.'

'I'm sending an ambulance towards your place right now. Do you have a coat or anything so you can stay warm?'

'No.'

'Okay, then you're most likely hypothermic. Clay, please. Keep fighting. Your body gave up, but you still have the mental strength to keep going for a short while. I don't want you to give up, okay? Do you have anything to eat?'

'N-no.'

'Water? Do you have water?'

'I barely drink anymore, but I have some.'

'Please, drink that right now, sweetheart. We don't want to lose you, okay? You're coming to my place once you can get out of the hospital because at home it's not safe enough.'

I mumbled something and got more lightheaded. I didn't dare to lift myself up because I was this weak and tired but I knew I needed to get my water.

'Nurse, I think I'm going to pass out, but this time it feels different than the last few times I passed out.'

'Because I don't think you will just pass out this time, honey...'

'What else?'

'It's okay, sit very still and keep talking to me.'

'I'm so tired, am I going to be okay? Can you tell me I'm going to be okay?'

It was quiet for a little and then I heard a soft sigh like she was crying. 'I can't promise you that.'

'Why?'

'Because you've never sounded this weak, sweetie. Your body gave up completely and you're only surviving this by your mental strength. If you see anyone pass by, can you please ask them for food? Please? Or a drink with sugar, because this might save your life.'

'Okay,' I whispered as I looked up. I saw a man walking past and I lifted my hand very slowly. 'Sir. Oh, he walked away.'

'Keep trying, honey. I know you don't want to eat, but it's life or death right now.'

I saw a younger woman with a baby pass by and I lifted my hand up again. She looked at me and crossed the road. 'What's wrong, dear?'

'Can I please have some food?' I whispered. 'Or a drink with sugar? I starved myself for too long and my nurse said that my body gave up. I don't want to die.'

She immediately took off her coat and wrapped it around me as she grabbed her bag and lifted a biscuit. 'I don't have much, this is for my baby so you can have it. We are almost home. I also have my baby's milk but I'm not sure if you can drink that as a teen.'

I shrugged as she gave me a biscuit and sat with me as I took a very small bite. I pouted from sadness because I didn't have the courage to eat more, but because I tensed the muscles in my body, a very weak feeling overwhelmed me.

I widened my eyes as the whole world got blurry. The woman grabbed my phone immediately. 'He passed out, I don't know what to do!'

'The ambulance is coming, please stay with him and perform CPR if his heart stops.'

That was the last thing I heard before falling down on the floor while everything got black.

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