That Broken Girl ⇒ Kian Lawley

14

Faint shouts echoed through the halls, waking me up from my peaceful slumber. Panic washed throughout my body, remembering the morning I woke up and heard the sound of screaming and shattering glass. I sat up, whipping the covers off my limp body as I hugged my knees to my chest. I shook vigorously, hoping no one would come into my room and yell at me, only to remember I was staying at Kian's house and I'm pretty sure everyone is mad at me, so no one would acknowledge my existence. I sighed, loosening up a bit but staying on guard in case something were to happen.

Hastily, I stumbled out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Mine as well at least make myself look presentable, never know when I might have to leave my room. Yet, I'm one of those people that can't stand staying in one confined area for a long amount of time, I'm bound to go crazy in the next few hours, so my best friend better come make amends with me, or I'll do it for him.

With the few clothes I had, I laid out my choices of outfits, trying to find something cute yet comfortable. I felt this insane déjà vu moment when I thought back to the first day of school in freshman year when mother told me to be myself.

My thoughts went back to the outfits on the ground. Band tees hugged my neck in a way I didn't like, although I loved them a lot, I don't think they were the preferable choice as to what I should wear. Skinny jeans made me feel too insecure, the way they made my legs look, I hated it. Along with any type of skirts, it felt too girly for my persona, whenever I wore my skater skirts, I always felt like I had to live up to expectations of too much makeup and too many friends. The only other option really was my shorts and sweatpants, but if I wanted to make myself look the least bit presentable, shorts were the route to take. I didn't mind that piece of clothing as much as the others, shorts didn't make me feel as vulnerable or insecure in the least bit.

I decided to stay away from high waist shorts, so I didn't over reveal any part of my body that's meant to stay covered. I slipped both my feet into the shorts, wiggling them up my limbs and buttoning them around my hips. I stood on the toilet in my bathroom and stared into the mirror, making sure my butt didn't show at all. Once it was confirmed that my bottom cleavage was safe, I stuck my arms in my mint green 'Made In The 90's' shirt and heaved it over my head. Originally, it was meant to be a cropped top, but I was too slim and short for any cropped clothing to fit me like they were made.

Finally, it was time for me to tackle my hair. Simply, I could throw a beanie over my bedhead and continue on with my life, or I could actually look like I tried in the least bit and brush through my knots. Confirming my actions with a nod of my head, I gripped my pastel box brush in my hand and cringed as I felt my hair being ripped out of my skull. In a matter of minutes, my hair looked presentable.

After staring at my reflection for a good minute, I hopped off of the bathroom toilet, creating a fairly loud thud that echoed through the house while I made my way to the door, where I clutched the knob too hard, seeing as my knuckles quickly discolored into a pearly white. Should I go downstairs? Could I possibly be blowing things way out of proportion? If I was, then why hasn't Kian talked to me at all since the car ride home?

Confused thoughts followed me downstairs as I opened the door, grimacing at the creaking. I tiptoed to the kitchen, being a silent ninja. It was quite easy since I wasn't wearing any shoes. With my head held high, I sat down at a stool in front of the island and waited for someone to acknowledge my existence, until I realized no one was in the kitchen. I spun on the chair, looking around in the living room and the deck outside, but still no sight of anyone. I turned back around, resting my elbows on the granite counter top and laying my head in my hands. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, wondering where everyone went. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around my torso forcefully, and I couldn't help but allow my screams to echo throughout the halls.

"Shh, it's just me Ryley... It's okay, calm down." Kian cooed in my ear. Immediately, I felt vulnerable under his touch and for a second there, I wish I had punched him in the face when I had the chance.

"You know you can't scare me like that." I hissed, returning his gesture and wrapping my arms around him as I pouted into his chest.

"I thought it would be funny." He replied, I could instantly hear the apologetic tone in his voice, I knew he was sorry. There was no way I could stay mad at him for long, especially since I'm a very forgiving person.

"Well it wasn't," I said, "Please don't do it again, you could've caused a fucking panic attack."

I felt his chin moving up and down as he nodded against my skin. Both him and I stood up, hugging each other in the most comfortable silence I've ever been in. I never knew having an actual friend that cared for you would feel this nice.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked, needing to know the answer.

"Why would I be mad at you?" He questioned, taking hold of my chin and tilting my head upwards, so I was looking him in the eyes. He has a glimmering look on his face, but at the same time it was filled with concern, like he was making sure I was okay.

I shrugged, not really wanting to answer the question, "because of the way I snapped at you yesterday." I mumbled, looking down at my feet and shifting on them.

"I had a lot on my mind... I shouldn't of ignored you like that... Because of me, you went to bed upset and hurt... I never want you going to bed like that again, okay?"

"I-I'm sorry..."

"No, don't be... Just... Just talk to me if you have to. I understand what you go through somewhat, with your anxiety and stuff. Trevor understands too... Jc understands the bullying, so does Ricky... Just because we're older, doesn't mean we don't understand."

I nodded firmly, "I want things to be normal again, I want to be happy again Kian, why isn't the universe letting me be happy?"

He shook his head lightly, "It's not the universe babe... It's you." He spoke calmly, not in anyway harsh. I flicked the word he called me off my shoulder. I hated being called babe, but when he said it to me, I wasn't mad. It almost felt right?

"What do you mean it's me?" I asked, voice raised slightly.

"It's in your head... Wake up every morning with a smile on your beautiful face and tell yourself that today's going to be a good day, because it will be."

"But I try and do that... It never works."

"You're not allowing it to work. You can't let one tiny thing ruin your day."

"It's not one tiny thing... It's a bunch of things Kian... It's my mother, my anxiety... My life."

Kian gripped onto my hand tightly, walking away and sitting on the couch, gesturing for me to sit next to him, in which I did. His arm prominently wrapped around my torso, and I laid my head on his chest. Sure, we were in an ideal cuddling position, but at this point I didn't mind. There has been multiple times when Kian and I have cuddled, and it has in no way affected our friendship. Both Kian and I are the type of friends that act like a couple, yet are the closest possible. Normally, I'm attached to his hip most days, but we still have our differences.

"There is nothing wrong with your life Ryley. I mean, look around. You live with your best friend in an amazing house with his somewhat annoying yet somewhat nice roommates. Okay, fine... I'll admit Connor and Ricky are nice, but Jc!? He's a butt." He paused for a moment, looking at me with the same gleaming look on his face, "There's that smile I love." He spoke.

While hating to admit it, Kian is right. Just realizing this now, I do have people that care about me, and they show that they care about me a lot and that's what is important in life. I truly care about all the boys I live with, Kian, Jc, Connor and Ricky. Also, Sam and Trevor, although they might not feel the same, I didn't mind. I'm insanely glad I moved out to Los Angeles, I would've never met these amazing people who have changed my life forever, and without Kian, I might not even be alive right now.