After getting away from his cruel father's tyranny, Randall has to learn how to live again, and accept the person he was meant to be - with a little help of a local bartender...
*****
An empty shell is all what is left of twenty-five-yea...
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-Randall-
Cole had to be at work, so I was once again facing a day in the backroom of his bar. I spent a long time just staring at TV, not actually watching it. I was... listening to myself. I'd been doing that a lot during the past week after I confessed to Cole that I wanted... him.
That was what Vaughn wanted me to do. Talk to myself. To learn to hear my own voice under the shit that was my father. That was the latest task the old man had given me. It was stupid. No, it was goddamn stupid. Now I had to talk to myself. Wasn't the whole idea of going to therapy to make me not crazy?
I sighed, shaking my head, trying to stop feeling like a complete idiot.
To be fair... This would've been a hell of a lot harder a mere week ago. I'd had a lot of time to let things sink in. Things, as in the words I told Cole. That I wanted him. It still made me cringe, but...
I peered at him through the partly open door. He was chatting with a customer in his cheerful manner. When the guy left, Cole turned to look over his shoulder, and our eyes immediately met. He gave me a warm smile, took a quick look around before walking to the door.
"You need anything?" he asked as he stepped in and made his way to me on the couch.
"I'm good," I told him, focusing on the warmth of his body after he sat down.
There was enough room on the couch, but he still sat down so close our legs touched. He placed his arm on the backrest behind me, crossing his legs in a way his foot touched my shins. His scent was all over me and I could feel his eyes on me. He'd done that a lot lately – surrounding me with his body.
"You sure?" he asked.
He was so close I could feel his breath on me as he spoke.
"I'm..." I had to stop to get a hold of myself before I could continue. "I'm sure. I'm good."
"Good," he whispered, his hand climbing up on my shoulder behind my back.
This wouldn't be happening if I hadn't told him what I wanted. It was still hard to admit it, but... I liked the way he acted around me now. He'd just walk up to me and start slowly wrapping himself around me, or me in his arms. He'd always give me time to back away or tell him no, but I never did. I didn't have a reason to turn him down.
Because this was exactly what I wanted. That was what I'd learned by listening to myself.
"We never decided what we'll do once we get back home," Cole murmured, caressing my neck.
"It'll be pretty late... Maybe just a movie?" I suggested, leaning a little closer to him.
"Good choice. We could order pizza too."
"Have we not eaten enough pizza? We haven't even been to the gym in a while. We'll get fat," I replied, not actually caring how either of us looked.
"I love the way you say we," he chuckled, taking my hand carefully in his.
