After getting away from his cruel father's tyranny, Randall has to learn how to live again, and accept the person he was meant to be - with a little help of a local bartender...
*****
An empty shell is all what is left of twenty-five-yea...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
-Cole-
"I'm so fucking losing it..."
At that moment, when Randall told me he was losing it the day before, I thought things were going to get really rough. Last time he was that scared, he nearly ended his life. I was out of my mind, not knowing what to do or how to help him. I'd never forget his wide, red, scared eyes... I could still hear his weak voice cracking in fear like it had happened only a minute ago.
I thought we'd end up battling for a knife again.
"Please, make it stop..."
I wished I could make it stop so badly it hurt. It hurt so fucking much to see him so scared. How could I make it stop? I didn't even fully understand what was wrong, and what it was that I needed to stop.
With no idea what else to do, I'd followed my instincts. I'd hoped holding him would give him the comfort he needed, or that I was at least strong enough to hold him still if he panicked. I tried to be extra careful when I wrapped my arms around him as he stood there, looking at me with pleading eyes. I hoped I wasn't pushing him, because holding him was all I could do for him at that moment... I was so afraid I was doing something wrong...
But I'd panicked for nothing. He let me comfort him. His body relaxed in my arms. He even hugged me back. I still couldn't believe how fast he'd calmed down. He trusted me. He really did trust me, right? He wouldn't have calmed down so quickly if he didn't trust me, right?
I was happy I was able to calm him down, but it hurt so much to see him like that... so scared and lost... He was afraid of emotions and feelings to the point he panicked because of them.
I hated his father even more. How could anyone want to destroy such an amazing spirit? But he was doing so much better now.
"I'd rather be a cat..."
I could already see his nature, and it was beautiful. It was exciting. I could see a glimpse of playfulness under all the pain and terror he'd been forced to live through. I was honored to get to see that, to be the person he was willing to show his true self. He was letting me see the spark he still carried within.
But I feared something would take that spark away...
I'd hated the idea of us returning to Randall's place, especially so soon after his breakdown only a day before. I had that horrifying feeling that he wasn't well enough to go home, that something terrible would happen. I feared it was too much. I feared he'd panic again, and then...
What if he'd try it again...? To end his life...? What if I did something wrong again? What if I pushed him again, and then...
And I'd been right about not letting him go back home. At least he stayed calm, but his eyes... I'd seen the old fear in them. He was uncomfortable in his own home, and it was clear he couldn't stay there, or it would only get worse. Seeing him like that hurt so much I wanted to drag him right back out and forbid him from ever returning to that cold, empty place.
