3. Meeting Him

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-Randall-

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-Randall-


The bar was pretty empty, so it was easy to spot him walking past the window with an empty glass in his hand. I had completely forgotten I was standing in the middle of the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Why was he in a gay bar?

I stepped right next to the window, trying to see him better. He walked up to the counter and leaned against it to talk to the bartender. I suddenly felt the need for a beer or two, but... I stepped back to look at the flag again. It was a gay bar...

I felt the familiar feelings rising inside me. Confusion, anger, anxiety... I stared at the guy, and I really wanted to go inside... Maybe even say hello to him...

But something was stopping me. What was stopping me? Who the hell was going to stop me if I wanted to go have a beer in a gay bar? My dad? Fuck that guy! I hadn't even heard of him in years.

"Oink, oink, little piggy..."

I immediately took another step back, feeling something ugly gripping onto my soul like an icy fist. Why did those words still have such a strong hold on me? Why did I immediately feel like I was less than human? Why was I still afraid of my old man and why couldn't I just be the person I really was...?

I wanted to leave that place. It would've been easier to turn my back on it once again, but at that moment I... I didn't want to. The loneliness in my little corner was already so unbearable that if I now gave up once again, I might as well have ended my life once and for all.

So, I did the thing I never thought I would do.

I stepped into the gay bar I once thought I hated.

The second the door closed behind me, I felt like I was in the wrong place. At least it wasn't crowded, but the few sets of eyes that were in there immediately landed on me. I tried to act as casual as I could as I made my way to the bartender, pretending I didn't even notice the guy I was there for.

"Uh... beer?" I said quietly when the man behind the counter was too busy measuring me from head to toe to greet me.

He nodded and turned his back on me, making me feel a little bit more comfortable, although it wasn't much of an improvement. While I waited for my drink, I peered around in the small place. It was almost like any other bar except for the flashy rainbow colors here and there. I had been expecting something... a bit different. Flamboyant.

Then, I hesitantly glanced at the guy next to me, only to find out he was already looking at me.

"I do know you," he smirked. "I've seen you at the gym almost every day."

"Oh, yes, hi," I said as casually as I could while the bartender gave me the beer.

"Never seen you here though," he said, narrowing his eyes a little but still keeping them fixed with mine.

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