14. To Make Things Right

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-Cole-

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-Cole-


Holy shit... Holy shit... Holy fucking shit...

Once Randall was safely in his bed, under the covers, I stepped outside his bedroom, pulled the door almost closed, and leaned against the wall. I'd tried to act calm for Randall's sake, but in reality, my heart had been racing this entire time. And then the whole situation finally hit me. Suddenly, I was drenched in sweat, and my body trembled.

Holy shit...

I needed several minutes to take a breather, and even longer to make my way to the living room. I collapsed onto the couch and buried my face behind my hands. I was still shaking, and it was only getting worse now that the adrenaline was wearing off.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I knew it. I fucking knew it... The second he left the restaurant, I knew. I knew he was out of his mind, that the fear he'd been carrying had finally broken him. I knew I couldn't leave him alone. I knew he was going to do something to himself. I knew I had to follow him.

I knew it. Holy shit, he really was going to kill himself...

I lowered my hands and watched as they shook uncontrollably. I didn't dare to look into the kitchen. The knife was still there, on the floor, but I wasn't able to approach it yet. How I'd been able to stop Randall from hurting himself was beyond me. He'd threatened me with it. He'd pointed it at me.

I took another deep, deep breath and let it come out slowly.

Yet, I didn't hesitate. Thank god, I didn't hesitate. I didn't even stop to think about myself. He wanted to hurt himself, not me. He just wanted me out of the way so he could end... his own life. He was so scared... I couldn't stop thinking about his bloodied face, his wild eyes filled with pure fear, or his scared voice when he begged to be left alone.

I had seriously fucked up by pressuring him to come grab a bite with me. He'd told me no, and yet I continued asking. I should've known better. I knew he had his limits, and I had pushed past them. For my own selfish reasons. This happened because of me, no matter what he said. I should've known things with him were this bad.

I fucked up.

It took me a long time to calm down as I thought about everything he had revealed to me. He was in desperate need of help. He... To think his own father had tried to kill him. This world was so sick sometimes. Sick with sick people. No wonder he was so scared...

I wanted to help him. Now more than ever. No matter what had just happened, I wasn't going to turn my back on him. If he'd let me help him, I would. Even if he didn't let me help him, I still would. I could see a glimpse of a gentle man in him. Under all that terror, there was a gentle human being who was still trying, no matter how horrible his life had been.

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