Acceptance | Gay MxM |

18. Quiet Humming

"I wish I'd heard about this place sooner!" one of them, a tall woman, told him cheerily, and her friends nodded enthusiastically. "A bar for us is exactly what we've missed!"

I tuned out of the conversation right away and turned to stare at the TV, again not actually seeing it. But her words had already stirred something in me.

A bar for us... A gay bar...

Suddenly, I remembered standing outside this very place, staring at the flag, wanting to burn it. Not just the flag, the whole bar. I hadn't forgotten the rage I felt the day I saw it for the first time. And now its owner was the sole reason I was still alive.

But if I hadn't met Cole, would things be different? If this bar didn't exist, would I have tried to kill myself?

No? No. I'd still be living that empty life. Work. Working out. TV. Sleep. I'd still live that empty life with nothing or no one disturbing me or the balance I'd built for myself.

I carefully peered at Cole. He was laughing as he poured another drink. The group was still there, staring at him like he was something miraculous.

Maybe because he was something miraculous...

I looked away from him again. The way those people stared at Cole reminded me of myself as I'd stared at him at the gym back when I still didn't even know his name. The way I'd felt back then... I wanted that feeling back. That odd feeling I was always filled with whenever he arrived at the gym.

I spent a while in my memories, mostly thinking of him and all the things he'd made me feel. I wasn't aware of the fact that things quieted down in the bar, not until I heard quiet humming. I turned to look out the door and saw Cole arranging the cabinets. I watched him for a while, but when someone passed by the counter, I turned to look away.

But I still listened. Little by little, I let my eyes fall closed so I could hear him better... And that one thought appeared again.

I wished it was Friday already.

A few hours later, Cole joined me in the break room, but this time, he closed the door behind him.

"I'm starving. You hungry?" he asked with a smile as he walked to the kitchenette behind me and opened the fridge.

"I guess," I muttered, standing up.

"Come," he told me and gestured at the table. "You'll get to taste the most wonderful microwave dinner created on earth!"

How could anyone be so enthusiastic about food? It was just fuel. I watched as he pulled two containers out of the fridge, opened the lids, and put one in the microwave.

"I promise, it's great," Cole continued as I sat down at the table.

"I'm sure," I only said.

He stopped to stare at me, his smile fading a little. I hated that. I hated it because it was my fault his excitement was quickly vanishing.

"I mean, it has to be, if you say so," I said, trying to save the situation. "I... You... You have a good taste in... food..."

Oh God... I was better off keeping my mouth shut.

But his smile returned.

"Thanks," he said cheerily. "You're not bored, are you?"

I shrugged. "Watching TV is the only thing you ever let me do, so..."

"Oh... Right," he said, tousling his hair with an awkward grin. "I just... I want you to take it easy for now."

"I guess I need that," I muttered, turning to look out of the window.

The backyard of the building was quiet, and there wasn't much else to see than a parking lot and a small, empty playground. The weather was surprisingly nice after countless days of dull rain.

The microwave let out a ding, and Cole took the food out.

"Here, this is yours," he spoke quietly, and I turned to look at him when he placed a plate of rice and curry in front of me.

"Smells good," I said.

It wasn't really a lie, but... it was just food.

"Let me know if it's hot enough," Cole said and turned his attention to his own food.

I grabbed a fork and started eating. It wasn't smoldering hot, which was fine by me. Faster to eat, since I didn't have to worry about burning my mouth.

"It's very good," I said, humoring him.

He turned to flash a big smile at me. "Told you so."

I froze to stare at his back. He started humming while he waited for his food. When I realized what I was doing, I turned back to my food. I suppose I could say it actually tasted good.

For mere fuel.