The Long Lost Mafia Prince

Chapter 48 - A Part Of Him That He Couldn't Accept

Thinking about his wife, Ray couldn't help but subconsciously smile to himself with a deep gentleness and find in his eyes. 

Doctor Parkinson nodded his head, "Yes, yes. This is good. Having people you love and who love you around you is a good atmosphere to have around. Now, might I ask if your wife is aware of your concerns?" 

Hearing this question, Ray couldn't help but freeze slightly and lower his head. Biting his lips uncertainly, he answered, "I… No, she doesn't know that. Nobody does. I just… I don't want any of them to look at me differently. My life now, except for my problems, is pretty wonderful already."

The doctor hummed, jotting down on his notebook rapidly as Ray ranted on. 

Then, he put down his notepad and looked at Ray, saying with seriousness, "Well, how about we get to the main point now, hm? What is your problem, Ray?" 

Stuck between pleased and embarrassed by the elder person's direct question, Ray couldn't help his ears from reddening. Whether the doctor had noticed it or not was a mystery, as Doctor Parkinson's face didn't change from the intense look he gave Ray. 

"I…" Ray hesitated but seeing Doctor Parkinson's supporting expression, Ray gathered the courage and stared truthfully, "I've been… Hearing a voice in my head."

"How long has this been going on?" 

"Um… Ever since I woke up from a coma, I had already heard it. It seemed quite familiar too, so I assume that it had been with me since long —even before my coma— when I had these voices in my head."

As the doctor wrote down in his notepad again, he asked, "And what do these voices tell you?" 

"They tell me that… That…" 

You're not enough.

Worthless.

Burden.

Disgusting.

Coward.

Weak.

You don't deserve anything.

Ray turned his head downwards. "They… Discourage me and attack my self-confidence and self-esteem. They say that I'm not worth anything, that I'm just… Nothing."

Doctor Parkinson slightly paused in his movements but recovered soon after. No one could tell the difference in his actions. 

"Have you told anyone about this?"

Ray shook his head in a negative. "No, I… I never did tell anyone."

"And why is that?"

"I…" Ray hesitated. "To be honest, I'm afraid… Afraid of wasting their time with these unimportant issues of mine."

Doctor Parkinson hummed in an answer making it difficult to know what his opinions on Ray's problems were.

Finally, he spoke, "Ray, as you know, not only am I just a therapist in things such as depression, but I am a therapist that focuses mostly on every part of the brain. One of these things that I want to talk to you about was your problems in your memory."

"My memory?" Ray asked.

The doctor nodded, "Yes. You see, I suspect that this voice in your head has something to do with your past, and since you can't remember anything, but this voice is still here, then it might be a clue to your missing memories."

Then he paused for a while, and continued, "Of course, we could always try some hypnotherapy."

Rayver quickly denied it, "No! Please, as much as possible, I'd like to refrain from using other methods. Maybe my memories do have a better chance of coming back because of the clues this voice might give me."