Love After Love...

Chapter 70: "I have nothing!"

~2 weeks later, next couple's therapy session~

Jieun's POV:
"Ah, the Parks! Lovely to see you!" Dr. Lee said, pleasantly. We exchanged our usual salutations and the session began, in its true sense.

"Let's talk about you two for a sec," she said. "Isn't that what we've been doing?" Jimin asked. "No, I mean, you two individually. Who is Park Jimin? Other than a husband and a father," she said.

I looked at Jimin, eager to hear whay he had to say. He thought for a while and then said, "Well, before anything I'm a dad. I take care of our son, and that's my top priority. Then, perhaps a husband. Then a son. Then a friend." "You mentioned writing. You used to be an author, is that correct?" Dr. Lee asked.

Those words struck unpleasant memories with both of us.

~2 years, one month ago~

Author's POV:
"Jimin, it's 11 am, it's too early to be drinking," Jieun said, snatching the bottle of whiskey from Jimin. "Why, what's there to distract me?" he said, sarcastically. "Dad, look, I wrote about my favourite ice cream in school today!" Sungho walked in with a waddling walk and a pen and a paper.

Jieun and Jimin shared a look, and she took their son to his room and explained, "Baby, dad is having a bit of a day today. But he'll read your work very very soon, alright?" "Does dad not like it when I write? I just thought he will be happy if he sees me being like him," Sungho said with a sad expression. "No, baby, don't be sad! It's not like that at all! Daddy is just having a bad day. But you know how much he loves you, right?" Jieun said, her heart breaking after hearing what her son wants from Jimin. She was slowly losing patience with Jimin and this was the last straw. Her son nodded. She watched him play with his toys for a while then exited the room to have a talk with Jimin. One that should've happened a really long time ago.

"Jimin, that's enough with the whiskey," she said. "I don't want Sungho writing anymore," he said. "What the fuck?" she said. "I don't want him rubbing this in my fucking face! I have my agency and the content-hungry readers doing that for me already!" he said, raising his voice. "What is wrong with you, Jimin?! Your son wants nothing more than to be exactly like you! He idealizes you and wants your approval! And as someone who knows what it feels like, this is not the age to start making him hungry for validation!" she retorted. "Oh, there you are with your daddy issues! News flash, Jieun! This is not about you! This is about me, and how I'm an absolute failure!" he yelled.

Their son, watching this from a distance, was sad that his once loving and nurturing parents, who used to be so in love, are now at each other's throats like this.

"Enough! I'm not trying to make this about me! But you were the one that made me realise that work is a very small part of who we are! And now is the time you stop being such a hypocrite!" she said. "Look at me, Jieun! I used to be a born writer! A person with the rare power of penning down what he felt! Now, I can't write a single sentence! I lost my talents, I don't have the power to think linguistically, I have nothing!" he exclaimed.

She paused. She was hurt, angry, disappointed.

She said, "You have nothing? Nothing? You have a beautiful son, who is here! I am here! And if you don't start seeing that and appreciating us for what you are to us and the lengths we can go to for you, I promise you, you will have NOTHING!" She cried and stormed off, leaving a shocked and speechless Jimin in their living room.

~Present~

Jieun's POV:
As we finished narrating that fight, Dr. Lee sighed. Jimin spoke, "That phase brought some real darkness in me. I had successful friends who were all going forward in their careers. Although I still had quite a large number of sales even after five years of the book, the fact that I couldn't write was too much for me. I took Jieun and our child for granted. I was ashamed."

Dr. Lee nodded. "How did that fight resolve itself? Did it?" she asked. "Yeah, it did," I said, "About a week later, I came home from work and Jimin and Sungho were sitting on the dinner table waiting for me. That was something I was seeing after, what, a year, or something? I had almost forgotten what it looked like. And from there, like always, we talked about it, and sorted our issues out. Jimin mentioned that he had reached a roadblock and he couldn't find a way out of it. We agreed to let the writing thing go for a while. It was Jimin's idea to be at home and take care of Sungho. He decided that he'd let the thoughts come to him instead of chasing them."

"It was really difficult at first. But I paid all my attention to Sungho and that kept me occupied. We became insanely close in less than a month. It's funny how all it takes is just presence. He's... well, he's my best friend. Hopefully, I'm his," Jimin said, earning a smile out of both of us.

"Does fatherhood give you the same sense of accomplishment as that of having released your book?" Dr. Lee asked. "Much, much more. My book release doesn't even come close. Of course it felt validating and great to have my work appreciated, but my son looking at me with happy eyes, that's like nothing I've ever felt," Jimin replied. I smiled wide.

"Jieun, what about you? You used to be a therapist. Why shift to being a college professor?" Dr. Lee asked.

I could feel Jimin's eyes on me.

"Well, it was getting really difficult to manage the home and the clinic. It was a really tough decision to give up my practice, but if it meant I could be closer to my boy, I'd choose to do it every day," I replied. "Was there a fight about that as well?" she asked.

Jimin and I exchanged a look.

~1 year, 11 months ago~

Jimin's POV:
"Another late night?" I asked Jieun, as she entered the house, tired. "Yeah... clients are kind of piling up," she replied. "Well, you missed Sungho's piano recital," I said. "Oh my God, that was today?" she said. "Mhmm. I reminded you in the morning before you left. And also, I called you but you didn't pick up," I said. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm sure I'll be there for the next one, I promise," she replied. "You said that for the parent-teacher meeting you were supposed to go to this month, but didn't. But yeah, I get it," I said. "Okay, yes, Jimin, I feel bad already, I dont need the condescension," she replied. "Our son expected you over there, Jieun! He was sad and hurt that his mother was too busy to focus on him for just a tad bit. He was sad that this piano recital - which he really practised hard for, by the way - couldn't be attended by the one person he wanted to be there the most! So, I'm sorry that my son's disappointment causes me to be a little condescending!" I said. Her expression changed from defensive to guilty very soon.

"Jieun, this can't happen. I'm not asking you to quit the clinic. I'm imploring you, to pay more attention to your son! He is sad he only sees you for literally five minutes every morning before his school. He misses you all the time! Even on weekends, all he wants is for you to be with him and talk to him and play with him. But you think about and occupy yourself with work even then! That's simply not done!" I said.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Apologize to our son," I said, storming off to our bedroom.

~Present~

Author's POV:
"I don't hold any grudge. Neither do I see that as a compromise. I love teaching. The students are blank canvases that I get to paint. It's inspiring. And when I think about what my PhD professor was to me, if I can be that for someone else, although I teach at a bachelor's level, I'd be honoured," Jieun said.

The bell for the end of the session rang, putting an end to their time.

"Okay... Until next time, Parks," Dr. Lee said. The couple got up from the couch to leave when the doctor stopped them and said, "Hey... you guys are gonna be just fine. I guarantee it."

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A/N : Are we liking part four so far?
I told you, part four is a new shade for Jimin and Jieun.
I really like the addition of part four, I was originally gonna end at part three.
It feels so new to see Jimin and Jieun like this. Kinda hate it, kinda like it. No?