Love After Love...

Chapter 50: "I wanted to be his Professor Park."

Jieun's POV:
"Is Taehyung home?" I asked. "Uh, no, he has a gig," he replied. There was a small silence. "Jimin, I hate this. I can't take this radio silence," I said. He said nothing again. "Fine then. I'm gonna say things now. After I'm done, please talk to me," I said. He looked at me and very slightly nodded.

I started, "I'm an absolute idiot, okay? You were right, I was being ignorant and self centred and that was terrible on my part. I let a case rule my personal life and that was unlike everything I've been striving to be. Professor Park had very clearly told me how important it is that I don't let my personal and professional life get mixed. Now I see why. I'm sorry I was inattentive when you needed me, and I fell short on my words. But I really meant it when I said I choose you. You mean a lot to me, Jimin. I'm really sorry. I'm very, very sorry."

He looked at me for a while, before saying, "I could tell you weren't yourself lately. But I had reached such a low point, I had started to question myself. I had no belief left in the fact that I had ever completed a book. All I thought I needed was some comfort from you, which I felt would reassure me. I know that's a bit of a stretch, but I just knew you'd find a way to make me feel better. And when I saw you drifting away from me, I grew even more aware of all my insecurities. I took the wrong things out on you. I'm sorry too, I could've handled this better."

"Please don't say that. At least we had a conversation and you didn't keep it locked up. You'd grow to resent me," I said. He smiled a little. I continued, "Why didn't you tell me when you first felt like that?" "I saw you working hard. I didn't want to trouble you. Plus I thought I'd be able to figure it out. Wasn't a big problem," he said. "Jimin... there's no such thing as a big or small problem. If it's bothering you, it should be talked about. If it tugs on your conscience, it's important. And please, by all means, trouble me whenever you want. I don't care. I just want to be there for you. However I can," I said. His eyes softened.

We both spoke more about his block and I gave him the reassurance to continue and I hoped I helped him believe in himself again. I saw how broken he was about this and cursed myself for not noticing earlier. He was very clearly struggling, I simply just had to ask.

After a long conversation, a comfortable silence fell upon us. We were sitting on opposite ends of a couch, our legs up on it and we faced each other. He moved closer to me and took my hand in his, rubbing his thumb comfortingly.

"I don't like it when we fight," I said. "You think I do?" he asked. I just smiled a little. "So, we're not arguing anymore?" I asked. He kissed my hand and said, "No, we're not arguing anymore."

Our lips met in a much needed kiss, showing both of us exactly how much we missed eachother. He tugged on my lower lip and pulled me even closer as my hands cupped his face. We both pulled apart, immediately going in each other's embrace, my head in the crook of his neck, finally feeling like I could take a breath again. He held me impossibly close and kissed the top of my head.

We stayed in this position for a while until he said, "I missed you so much." I replied by kissing his neck, moving onto his lips. After a short but sweet kiss, I whispered on his lips, "I missed you too." Returning to our previous hugging position, there was a homely silence. "Jieun? Can I ask you something?" he asked. I hummed. He pulled on my shirt indicating that he wanted me to face him.

"Why does this case mean so much? I can tell this is different," he said.

It was different.

"His eyes..." I said, "His eyes remind me of mine. When I lost Namjoon. I know what it's like to look at yourself in the mirror and not like the person looking back. I know what dead eyes mean. And on top of that, I know how much help such people need. I know how much Professor Park helped me. And no one deserves that pain. I wanted to make it better for him because I know how much he needs it. I wanted to be his Professor Park."

Listening to me, Jimin just hugged me tight and said, "I'm really proud of you."