It's Ok To Be Yourself

1

"Get up Marley time for school!"

I woke up to the sound of my mother yelling my deadname and telling me to get up for school, I sighed as I forced myself out of bed and into the bathroom. My uniform was hanging up and not to my surprise, my mother brought me a skirt.

I took off my top avoiding the mirror due to body dysmorphia, I grabbed my binder and put it on, I reached for my school shirt which was just average white and I pulled on the grey trousers that I brought myself since I knew my mother wouldn't of brought them for me.

I brushed my teeth and put my brown hair into a high pony flipping it so it was on the front of my head, I placed my red beanie on my head and sorted out the front bit of my hair. I didn't have enough money to get it cut properly so I would always put it in a high ponytail and flip it putting a beanie on after to make it look somewhat like male hair. I looked in the mirror just to quickly make sure it looked ok. I looked myself in the eyes. I have one brown eye and one blue eye that has some brown in it too. I looked at my cheeks and my eyes darted from one freckle to another.

I quickly brushed my teeth and went into my parents room, my father was doing his plain black tie in front of the mirror, "You're looking very handsome.." He stopped for a moment and I bit my lip, "Toby" I smiled as he called me by the name I wanted to be called.

"Thank you father, you're looking quite handsome yourself but you have a little bit of toothpaste around your mouth, might want to clean it before it gets in that brown beard of yours"

He laughed and wiped it away, "Thank you son"

"You are very welcome"

I hugged him and left the room.

My father's name was Hayden, Hayden Howard. He was 6ft tall and he had a short beard that was brown and curly along with curly brown hair that is always a mess, beautiful blue eyes. He goes to the gym everday so he's quite fit and in shape, he has a six pack and abs, he's kind and caring and always thinks of what I want to be rather than what he wants me to be (unlike my mother).He is an amazing father.

I went down to my mother, "What an earth are you wearing Marley?" She asked giving me a disgusted look.

"My name isn't Marley, it's Toby how many times to I have to tell you. And I'm wearing clothes.. Paige" I rolled my eyes as she started telling me off for calling her her real name instead of 'Mother'. But why should I call her 'Mother' if she doesn't want to respect me? I shouldn't.

My mother is 5'4" (quite small, even I'm taller than her, I'm 5'7") she has blonde mid-back length hair that has a slight wave to it. Brown eyes and a slim body. People say she could be a model but honestly she looks like a rat. Her front teeth are rat-like and her nails are dirty and yellow. She doesn't smell the best either.

I took one bite of toast and walked out the door yelling bye to my father and leaving out my mother. I slowly walked to school hoping to miss form time but of course I didn't. I was the first one to Form and I just sat in my seat in the very back corner next to the window. I liked to watch the birds fly by as other birds talked to each other. However, since it was Autumn it started to get colder so most of the birds were settling in their nests. If I found one out of the window I would always draw it.

So far I have drawn a: Pigeon, Crow, Magpie, Robin, Blackbird and a Blue Tit. People always say I'm good at art and I should become an artist and get money that way but in my eyes my art is just what I see, it's not art, it's just a drawn photograph.

The loud ringing of the bell started and students started to pour into the room. The teacher (Miss Walker) was the last one in, she was always late.

Her light brown hair is always in a low ponytail and she had a pink loose top on with some black jeans and a loose black cardigan which was so thin it didn't even do anything. I never understood why she wore that cardigan.

The students were laughing and talking and messing about and as per usual, no one sat next to me. I had no friends. None. I tried to make friends a few times but they just left me out so there was no point being their friend if they weren't going to include me.

"Toby, Toby Howard?" Miss Walker called out.

"Hm? Oh, sorry, here miss..." I mumbled. Everyone looked at me and I slouched so far on my seat I was almost under the table. The teacher sighed.

"Pay more attention Mr Howard or it will be a phone call home"

I gulped at the thought of how that would go. My mother would probably be drunk so she would be mad then probably hit me or something. I shivered at the thought but remembered, I still have Dad.

The bell indicating that form was over rang through the building and the corridor flooded with students trying to find their next class. I had science in S9 which was always fun because everytime we was in that room we got to do a practical.

"I hope you all revised for the test you are going to be doing" The teacher told us once the class was settled.

The teacher, Mr William, dropped a huge bomb on me. Everyone was smiling and nodding so that must mean that they revised. I hadn't done any revision.

I knew if I didn't get good grades I would start slipping into a lower set then my mother really wouldn't be pleased with me. I sighed and thought 'I'll just try my best, it can't be that hard.. right?'

I was wrong, the test took me the entire hour to do and I only answered 3 questions out of 25.

"You will get the results next lesson, off you go to break, erm Toby can I talk to you after everyone leaves please?" Mr William said.

I looked at everyone walking out of the room then at the teacher, I nodded my head and sat back at my desk.

"So I noticed that you had only done 3 questions and well you've only got half a mark.. And that's because you spelt your name correct.. Is everything ok? You never fail"

I gulped and nodded my head, "Everything is fine don't worry sir"

"Ok if you say so, have a good day kid"

"Thanks sir, you too, bye"

"Bye"

I failed 2 tests, Science and Maths. It had been a long day and the day seemed to drag on and on (but after 5 hours of school) it was eventually home time.

"I'm home!" I yelled as I walked through the door of my house after I had finally finished a long 5 hour day at school.

"Care to explain why I can't a phone call from school.. Marley?"