F!ckings of a Pretty Boy ; sidemen

19) Caught me

The porcelain sink took up his whole field of vision. He did his best to catch his breath. His aching body rested against the man behind him. They stood there for a moment while the person from behind pushed the hair sticking to Simon's forehead out of the way.

"Look at yourself." JJ commanded with his gravely voice in Simon's left ear. A hand propped up Simon's head only for his neck to wilt once more. "Stop avoiding the mirror. Why're you doing that? I said look at yourself." He pushed Simon's face up by the chin. A resistant head sneered at the face in the reflection. "Do you see that beauty? You're so beautiful."

To Simon he didn't see beauty. An exhausted bruised boy, exasperating for peace and respect, pinned to the counter with his head under control. A cracked face revealing displeasement with his position watched back like an apparition. There was no beauty in his lack of autonomy. That's what made him so hard underneath the sink. But his brain and his heart knew this was wrong. Being forced to feel a certain way by someone else who's in a position of power left Simon spiraling into a panic. He didn't want to ruin the fantasy. He wanted his sexual frustration released. More importantly, he wanted the overwhelming guilt that made him believe he deserved this treatment to go away. For years now Simon had lived it out through degrading sex waiting for the wound to heal over itself. Perhaps the trauma can't haunt you if you confront it now.

"Am I deserving of love?" Simon muttered.

"Of course. Everyone is." JJ let go of his head. He looked to the mirror to watch Simon's face. Which refused to acknowledge either person's reflection.

"Can someone love for me for more than my body?"

"Yes."

"Then maybe I need to start treating myself with respect." his voice cracked.

"You've always been treating yourself with respect. You are in complete control of your body. You choose who can and can't touch you. You know what you like and don't like." JJ consoled.

"Then I no longer choose you."

"Huh? You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do." he confirmed. 

"Now isn't the time to bring up your emotions. I really don't care. I'm rock hard and I will get off by the end." JJ thrusted against him.

"No." Simon boldly said. Whether or not JJ would respect that demand, Simon would get one of the two things he wanted: to be free or to cum. JJ let go of Simon's chin and grabbed him by the scruff of his hair instead. His mouth was forced open. Against his will, JJ explores the inside of Simon's mouth. Simon tried to push him off but had no strength in comparison to the more muscular man. So he succumbed to the inevitable gratification he would be subjected to. 

Once in the elevator, he didn't even have the chance to reflect on what had happened before the tears dripped down either cheek. His vision became blurry from the salty water. The pain can't be held inside any longer. The lightest breeze blew by just enough to knock over the glass bottle holding the tears, pouring them across the floor of his mind. How did he end up here again? After he promised himself once was enough? He spent two years convincing himself this was different. Saying he wanted this, he's okay with it, and that JJ wasn't taking advantage of him. At the time they met, that was the only love Simon had known. So it makes sense to fall into it again. Still, Simon couldn't believe he let this happen to himself. It hurt. So bad. A great emotional pain sat on his chest and punched his face.

Simon longs to make his body a good home for love to settle in. However, the walls weren't up to code and the front door was missing a lock. So much work had been put into the foundation. He couldn't have the rest of house built subpar now. It needed an inspection before it topples upon itself.