Stella's soft but slightly anxious voice gently stops your racing mind. "Yeah."
"So your writing profile is okay?"
"Yeah, think so."
"But you have other stuff—"
"I will have to figure that out later." You say softly. "Right now I'm on defense. Loved ones are on my profiles, even locations. I can't let that be out there. I—I—" Suddenly the other line rings. DAL. "It's Henry, let me call you back."
"Okay," she says.
"Thanks for the heads up Stella," you say. "Sometimes I feel like I'm in my own world here."
"No problem."
"I'll call you back, okay?"
"Okay," she whispers. "Love you, okay?"
"Okay, Love you too." You click over, and to your dismay he has put on video. "Hey."
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
"Hey." Henry has a way of making one word say sentences. "Saw the east wind coming?"
"Yeah, think I got ahead of it."
Silence. Oh, you hate this. He is trying to read you, and you are not good at poker faces with him at all. You wish you knew what your look was saying but you don't.
"I'm not sure what to do with all the writings under my own name."
"Good question," Henry says. More silence. Maybe you're better at poker faces than you thought.
"When you come home, can we talk about it?" you ask. "I'm out of my element here. I mean, I had open profiles so people could see the work I did with kids but made adult stuff under a different name and—"
"I know, sweetheart."
You exhale. "I'm a little—"
"Scared?"
"Yeah," you admit. "more of doing something or having done something that could hurt us."
He is quiet, his look softening. You can almost hear him swallowing hard. "You're a decent person, sweetheart, I wouldn't worry."
"But they like to twist stuff-"
"It's what 'they' do," he says softly with a small smile and then exhales. "Let's talk about this when I get back, alright?"
You take a deep breath. "Alright."
"Hey."
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
You click off. You finish your work on Teams and decide to call Stella back after lunch. You both decide silently not to talk about the earlier morning's events. While she is a comfort talking about the new flat and how she wishes you were there to help with it, and what she is learning at the restaurant she is working at, part of you is swirling in self-doubt and dread. Is your countdown really on?
Regular everyday people do not think anyone is looking for them. That's why a profile is open. You just put there what you want and only people who know you really know anything because they are the only ones who care. It's like an extension of the old phone pages but with pictures. Your old classmates found you this way, and you were delighted. Your fellow kid advocates had no problem either and it benefited you and your job. But being a world wide known name-trending and knowing it-being specifically sought after in a world wide web of people-it's a different feeling! It's like being a queen ant in a sea of ants on a sidewalk. You stand out, everyone sees you and the looking glass is focused on you because you're an easy target. A target...
"You there?"
"Yeah," you say. "Sorry, phased out a second." You hear her sigh and make yourself brighten with an ideal "How about you put your phone on video and we look at the space? Got a tape measure?" You are relieved to hear her chuckle with a bit of relief herself.
"I was hoping you would say that," she says. "and then maybe go to the store?"
"Let's get measurements today, talk about layouts and then tomorrow we'll hit a store or some sites."
"Yes!" Stella is happy now and that brings you some, too. "Thanks, let me get my tape!"
