Within the walls

56

Nyx's pov

The walk back to the Scouts hq was kind of awkward. I had never been so uncomfortable around Jean in my whole life.

"Hey, thanks for coming to get me." I said awkwardly.

"Quit being so damn polite, what happened to doing whatever you wanted and not giving a damn?" Jean said.

"If I don't apologise I risk getting killed prematurely." I said.

"You don't seem like you care about that, you've never had a regard for your life before." Jean said.

"I know this is out of the blue but where do you think you'd be if you weren't a soldier? What were your dreams?" I asked.

"I'd be an M.P in the capital lazing around while Marco did all the work and you whined about me not helping. You'd still call us horseface and freckled Jesus and Marco would gush about how cute you are whenever you weren't around. That's where I pictured my life going, where I wish it went. Without the military though I guess I'd run a bar with my wife, maybe a few kids." Jean said.

"That sounds nice. When I was little I always dreamed of being an adventurer, I wanted to see the fields of ice and lakes of fire. The life you described doesn't sound so bad." I said.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday." Jean said.

"It's fine, I deserved it. I still deserve it." I said.

"No you don't." Jean said before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and resting his hand on my cheek.

Jean looked at me before swallowing and glancing away.

"I've always been the second best. To Mikasa it was Eren, to you it was Marco. I wasn't just mad about your role in Marco's death I was also mad that you still seem to care for him like you did when he was alive. I guess that means I was jealous because I love you and you keep going off to other countries or dwelling on everyone else." Jean said.

Jean began to lean in with the intention of kissing me but I shoved him away. He stumbled back and hit his back against the wall.

"Im sorry! Are you alright?" I asked.

"My pride's hurt but otherwise I'm fine." Jean said.

"I'm sorry but I'm in a relationship already." I said awkwardly.

"Oh, sorry for making things more awkward then. I guess I should have known someone like you would already have a boyfriend." Jean said.

"Sorry Jean, if I hadn't spent the past four years in Marley then I would have let that happen in a heartbeat." I said.

"I get it, am I allowed to ask what he's like or am I turning green?" Jean asked, trying to get rid of the awkwardness he caused.

"He's tall and strong, he's the type of person that everyone looks up to. He's loyal, if you mean anything to him there's nothing he won't do for you. He's kind and loving and really smart, conversations come easily with him. He's always making sure I eat and take care of myself and he gets worried if I look even slightly pale. His family are sweet too, they took me in on the first day I met them. Him and his family are my own little pieces of happiness." I explained.

"He sounds like a great guy, definitely worthy of you." Jean said. "I'm sure he'll come to take you back to Marley."

"More than likely, yes. Maybe one day our home lands could be friends, until then though our people will continue to kill eachother." I said.

"Jean! The kids that killed Sasha have escaped!" Connie exclaimed as he burst into the room. "They killed the guard and ran."

I punched the wall beside me. I didn't ask them to do anything difficult, all I asked was that they stay put and do as they're told. They couldn't even follow simple instructions, they were worse than Porco sometimes.

"Nyx, what's wrong?" Jean asked.

"One thing, I told them to do one thing and they couldn't even do that." I said.

"What did you tell them to do?" Connie asked.

"To stay put and do what they were told." I said. "Someone's going to look for them right? Can I help? They're only kids, they're alone in a foreign country, they're probably so scared. "

"Sorry Nyx, Its against the rules." Connie said.

Despite not being given rules I was aware there were some. If I wanted to leave Hq I'd always have to be accompanied by someone else, I'd have to spend a portion of my morning with Hanji where I'd have to tell her about my plans for the day. Whoever comes with me would have to check me in and out and I'd notice them writing down if spoke to someone.

"What rule is it against?" I asked.

"It's not that we don't trust you, Hanji was strongly against it but the M.Ps argued that they didn't feel safe with you just wandering around freely talking to whoever you'd like. They know that you're a strategist, the brains behind Marley's military and so they don't want you talking to anyone from Marley." Connie said and I nodded in understanding.

"Just make sure you find them, please. I trained those kids, I'm friends with their families, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to them." I said.

"If you trained them then I'm sure they'll be okay." Jean said, looking away from me, his face red.