tell Dean that I'm gone || Destiel/DeanCas

I'm no angel

Dean woke up. He slowly opened his eyes just to get blinded by the bright light that was coming from the morning sun through his living room window. He rubbed his eyes with his right arm realising that it was wrapped around something. Around someone. Dean looked down at the someone. It was Cas, peacefully sleeping on him. The reality kicked in and he remembered about last night, how they literally cuddled to sleep. He mentally slapped himself at the thought of how unmanly it was.

Well, on the other hand Dean did feel like a fourteen year old teenage girl with a massive crush on a celebrity everytime he would think about Cas or everytime his eyes would meet Cas'. His heartbeat would quicken and his cheeks would turn slightly pink but luckily Cas is too oblivious to everything, so he would always dismiss it as something normal.

And yeah, Dean did acknowledge these feelings he felt towards Castiel but It all just didn't make sense. I mean, Dean is 100% straight, he likes blonde girls, ass and boobs. And all of his past relationships were with women. Plus, he never felt like this towards Lisa, his ex-girlfriend that broke up with him after a huge fight. She was always so nice to him and she was kind, she never did anything wrong, Dean actually blamed himself for them breaking apart. But Dean loved her, so the feeling Dean feels towards Cas must be different than love, because this feeling is completely different, it feels completely different. Or so he thought.

Dean's eyes traveled around the room for a while until his eyes fell on a paper placed on top of a small table that was close to the couch Dean and Cas were sleeping on. Dean slowly and carefully reached for the paper, trying not to wake Cas up in the process. The mission was successful with Dean ending up with the paper in his hand. It was a note from Sam.

I know that you'll miss school because of me, not like you really care, but I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful and you actually got 4+ hours of sleep after a long time. So, sorry if you get into a problem in school because of that, or maybe Castiel will have a problem. Sorry

- Sam.

Dean put the note back on the table beside him and he looked at the clock, it was 8 am so school already started. He thought about waking Castiel up so that they can go to school, they would arrive later but at least they would be there, but as soon as he looked down at the sleeping angel he changed his mind. Cas was frowning and mumbling something inaudible, Dean started smiling because he thought of it as adorable. He put his arms back on Castiel's back and slightly hugged him. He wasn't sure why he did it or if it was ok to do but he really needed it.

He hugged Cas tighter but not tight enough to wake him up. He closed his eyes and thought about everything, and by everything he mostly meant Cas. He remembered the first time they met and how he instantly found Castiel interesting, different than anyone else he's ever met. How he wanted to protect Cas from the moment they went to the cinema and when he saw him scared and vulnerable. And how he never wanted to let go of Cas, how he never wanted to let his eyes away from him because he was scared that Cas might disappear and never return.

His eyes started to water and he could feel tears slipping down his cheeks. He brought Castiel closer to him, probably suffocating him from the tight hug. He could feel Cas turn and move around but he didn't open his eyes. He was afraid that if he were to open them, he would be hugging a pillow instead of Cas. It already happened to him on multiple occasions. Unfortunately, Dean lost a lot of people he loved and who loved him back, and he always blamed himself for it.

One of those people was his mother.
Her name was Mary Winchester. At that time Dean was too young to actually remember anything, he didn't even properly remember his mother's facial features, but somehow he remembers every little detail from that night. And he wishes so much that he would just forget them. But he can't. The screams won't stop ringing in his ears, the burning heat that he felt will never leave him alone, the taste of blood in his mouth won't stop being so bitter, the smell of burning flesh that run through his nostrils will never stop giving him goosebumps and the horrible sight of seeing his house on fire will never stop giving him nightmares and letting him have a full night sleep.