ILL HEARTS

5

Jungkook ~ March 19, 2019

I knew I was signing myself up for a big challenge, but I didn't know I'd have to make that many sacrifices. I already questioned whether the possible result was worth it so many times that it occupied most of my thoughts. At practice, at home, at school, I ran a never-ending monologue, only to remind myself it was nothing but a temporary game. Nothing crazy. It didn't hurt, just felt unfamiliar and uncomfortable to be nice to someone whose existence itself was annoying me. And, what was my biggest motivation, I was Jeon Jungkook. If I left a challenge unfinished, I'd be sick.

"Come on, you're good at this," I said on the phone, passing through the people at my college.

"What do you mean I'm good at this?" Namjoon laughed over the chatter of people somewhere at the college he attended. We were the only ones out of our training group to attend college, though Namjoon did it voluntarily. He was a smartass, quite impressive to be honest.

"At being romantic. Give me some tips, I'm already running low."

"You're that serious about it?"

"Namjoon." I sighed. "Not your opinion. Love advice."

He laughed. Something about my plan was so entertaining to all of my boxing friends, and if I didn't like them a little bit, I'd have beaten this joy out of them a long time ago.

"That depends a lot on how she is, you know? Love advice can't be generic."

"Okay, but what works for everyone?"

"I don't know? Flowers, being nice, being helpful? Be interested in her. You know... if you like someone, you want to know about their day and things they have to stay. If you pay attention to her, she might feel good."

"You're making it even harder, Joon. I'll have to go hard on you next time we have a sparring," I joked, but they never knew if I really did or not, as I didn't laugh when I joked. "Okay, fine, thanks. I'll act like I know what to do now."

"Good luck." He chuckled, and ended the call. I wanted to give up on the spot. So much effort for someone I didn't care about.

But if she just realized life isn't as perfect as she portrays it, maybe she would stop being so goddamn fake. It would solve... all of my problems. Or at least the biggest one.

Before I reached the room, everyone including the lecturer was already in. I looked for a free spot somewhere far from Eunbi. I considered sitting next to her on purpose, but I knew it would hurt more than a Wladimir Klitschko's Steelhammer Right Hand, so I opted for something seven rows away from her.

It was an English class, and I already had it mastered for the sake of my career, so I never really did anything and still finished with a good grade. Doodling or watching old boxing matches on mute somewhere in the last rows were my go-to, but not that day. I wanted to make a list of things Namjoon told me earlier, and also get a little creative to have more fun. If I was spending so much time on it, I might have as well done something cool.

I searched for Eunbi among the students out of habit. I always searched for her when I walked into the class late. Sometimes, to make sure I didn't have to seat next to her, sometimes... just because. Despite our eternal battle, she was familiar. I saw her every day, I heard her every day, I paid attention to her every day. Maybe she was to me what Anti-Fairy World was to Timmy Turner, but I was used to her.

I froze in between the tables when I saw her that day. I was not someone who bothered or knew how to read people, but sometimes it was obvious someone had a bad day. And she looked just like that – arms crossed on her chest, shielding her from the world, black big sweater (a classic to keep yourself safe from the world), eyes low on the paper, even when she didn't write anything, and, to seal it all, no sea life hair pins. If Eunbi didn't wear at least one sea life hair pin, something must have been wrong. I'd never seen her without them. I'd never seen her so down like that.