BLUE | Bellamy Blake

The Other Side

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After Miloch expressed his concerns, I shut down, opting to walk ahead of him while he walked behind me. Since then, my brain has been running through scenarios of my friends' fate.

"I know Finn, Clarke, and Miller made it in the dropship," I murmur to myself. "Octavia is with Lincoln and Bellamy..." I trail off, pain striking me in the heart.

"He could be alive, you know," MIloch suddenly says. "We could go look for him."

I immediately shake my head. "If he is alive, it's better if I'm not there," I mutter. "I'd only make it worse."

I see his eyebrows furrow in my peripheral. "What do you mean?"

"All I've ever known my entire life was pain and putting it on him just doesn't seem fair."

"That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard." After seeing my expression, he lets out a sigh. "hayon help Ai," God help me. "What I mean is, he put himself in that position. He accepted every part of you and he still does because I know he's still alive The point is, that pain made you who you are and he accepts that, hell he probably prefers you the way you are."

I furrow my eyebrows, thinking.

"Take it from the guy who's been through 17 wars," He says with a chuckle. "You've got nothing on me, goufa."

My mouth falls open. "I am not a child!"

A small smile tugs at his lips, "If I say you aren't can we go look for your friends?"

I press my lips into a grim frown, "I know you think I should go look for them, but, the way I see it," I say. "It's better not knowing."

"Well, don't get mad at me," he says, lowering his voice, causing me to tilt my head and clench my jaw and in the process making a 'mom face.' "But we're almost at the dropship."

My anger overflows. "I told you, Miloch, I told you, multiple times that I can't deal with the knowing, and here you go," My anger rises with my voice. "But instead, you bring me back to the place that might destroy me." My voice quiets as my anger skyrockets.

"What might destroy you is never knowing." He says, standing very still before his eyes look at something behind me.

My eyebrows furrow and I tilt my head before turning.

The breath is knocked out of me and my legs buckle. My hands slam against the ground at the same time as my knees.

Bellamy's rifle, engraved with his initials, lays before me. The clip is gone but I still reach for it. My lip wobbles before I run my finger over the letters.

My eyes water and my heart aches.

"Why would you bring me here?" I ask again, my voice rugged with pain.

"Just because his gun is here," he sighs before crouching next to me. "It doesn't mean he's dead."

I clamp my eyes shut and the world goes quiet. I think about Wells, Charlotte, Riv, My mom, Murphy, Raven, Clarke, Bellamy and Elliot. My thoughts swim as my heart gets swallowed by the wave of emotions that hit me that I'd been bottling up for days. With shaky legs and blurry eyes, I stand and begin to walk towards the dropship.

Each step emits a crunch as my foot makes contact with the charred bone and flesh littering the ground. I don't hear Miloch as I enter through the barely standing walls that once protected a bustling clearing.

Now, it was dead silent.

My breathing begins to speed up as I spin around. My eyes flit to every corner, hoping for a footstep in the ash or something. something. something.

"Please be alive," I murmur before breaking into a jog towards the hanger door. I run up and past the curtains into the dropship.

My heartbeat falters when I catch sight of Raven's blood on the table. But, nothing. Nobody has been here for days.

A sob rocks my body as my legs give out and I fall to the floor. The tears flow freely as my cries reverberate off the metal.

"Why can't I ever be happy?" I hiccup through the tears. "Why, why why." I cry, hitting my fist against the floor at every word.

Through the tears and the pain, I hear another voice from outside. One different from Miloch.

I shakily rise to my feet before grabbing my sword from its sheath.

I wait a moment.

"What are you doing here Miloch?" I hear a familiar voice ask.

My mouth falls open before I push aside the curtains, revealing him.

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A/N

I am just so evil

also I'm sorry for the very long hiatus

I have been having a lot of mental health issues, but hopefully I can write through it all

please vote and comment as it makes me very happy

as always, please eat and drink something

I love you,

Abigail <3