I almost forgot how much I love Australia beaches. We were spending the day on the beach.
My Aunt Grace decided to come with us. So we were all spread along the beach.
Owen and Ryan were standing out in the ocean while me, Abby, and Grace were laying out.
Grace's husband, Ben, had to work so unfortunately he couldn't come with us. "How did the funeral go yesterday?" Grace asked.
By the time we came back, we were all exhausted. "It went alright. It was harder than I thought it was going to be." I admit.
I will admit that my fathers death does make me sad, even though the last few years we fought a lot.
I've caught myself dreaming about him and waking up crying a couple times.
"Maybe if you go visit their graves sometime today, you can find closure." Grace suggested.
That was actually a really good idea. I think I'm feeling bad not because of my dad dying, but because I've been holding it in.
My dad died and I've only cried once when I got the phone call. "I might actually do that. Doesn't sound bad." I tell them.
Abby looks at me worriedly. "Are you sure you'll be okay with doing it by yourself?" I nodded my head towards her.
"Doing what by herself?" Owen asked sitting next to me. "Tate is going to visit her mom and dads grave later." Abby told him.
I squint up at him to see he was looking at me worriedly. Water droplets were falling off his hair.
"You are?" He asked as I nodded. "Yeah. I've been feeling off recently so I think it'll be good." I explain.
He pursed his lips and nodded. I know he's been worried about me. "Okay, if you change your mind, let me know." He assured me.
We spent most of the day on the beach. When we got back to the house, I quickly took a shower.
I put on Owens favorite hoodie and a pair of leggings. Grace lets me take the keys so I can drive myself there.
The drive to the grave site felt super short. I park the car and go over to where they're buried at.
I sit down in front of my mum. I sat here for a long time. I was just taking everything in.
And it hit me. Both of my parents are dead. So I just let everything out.
I started crying horribly. "I'm so sorry. I should've been a better daughter." I cry.
"I just couldn't handle your death, mum. And I ruined my relationship with dad with my drinking problem."
I feel like I broke down for a good thirty minutes. That's the weird thing about grief. It hits everyone differently.
"Tate, dear." I look over to see my Gran. I quickly wipe my eyes as she comes over to me.
"You don't have to hide it. It's okay." She assured me. She slowly but surely sits down with me.
I can tell she's really upset. "I'm surprised you're here by yourself." She spoke to me.
"Yeah, I thought coming here would bring me closure." I admit to her. She looked at me sadly.
I'm never going to get closure with my dad. I thought I would have more time to show him I'm okay now.
But I let my hatred for him get in my way. "I hate how things got between you two." She admitted.
"Yeah, me too. But all I could see was my addiction." I sadly tell her. She thinks about something for a moment.
