The Maddest Obsession

FORGIVENESS

As much as tempted and excited I was to hold and use it, I was very much against taking something from Christian.

"I don't want it."

His smile fell. "Why? I know you wanted it. I bought it for you."

"I want to go home. You are not giving me that. Just let me then you won't have to waste your time and money on me—"

"Anything except that. I've told you. Just name it."

Why did he have to talk like this whenever I tried to hate him? Like he...he was hurt and vulnerable and...and...ughhh.

"Tell me what you really want from me, Stella. You can have it. Anything besides letting you go."

A part of me desired to say I wanted nothing else from him, but it was a lie. It seemed I couldn't force those words past my lips even to save my own soul. It was already his.

"You want to make it even and shoot me for forcing myself on you?" He pulled back and forced cold metal into my palm. "Go for it. It's fully loaded."

Just the weight of the gun broke a dam inside me, sending a shiver of fear. I sucked in a shaky breath and shook my head, letting the pistol drop to the floor.

"That's not what I want."

No matter how much I didn't want to be with him, I didn't want him dead.

"A treasure chest of diamonds, then?"

"No, Christian. I don't want anything from you. You can't give me what I want. You are holding me a captive here and you expect me to love you which is not possible in this lifetime. Especially after you lost control that day. What if it happens again, huh? What would I do because I'm sure Arnold is not going to be here forever to save me."

I headed for the door but stopped midway when I heard him.

"I feed my captive everyday. She spends her days reading by the fireplace and walking in the yard. Keeping her here is a danger, I could lose my everything if someone finds her, but I don't give a fuck about that."

My throat tightened.

"She almost busts my head open with a fucking rock but I just want her instead to come out of the room and at least look at me. So you tell me, Stella, are you just a captive?"

The words crept beneath my skin, wrapped around my heart like barbed wire, and tightened a fight-or-flight response in my muscles. I fought the impulse to flee even as he took a step toward me, violence reflecting in his eyes.

"If I say that you can go outside and see your friends and family while I sit here whole day, waiting for you to come back, then how long would I wait, hmm? A day, a month, a year or a lifetime?"

His animosity wrapped around my body as his fingers gripped my face, forcing a ragged exhale from me.

"I know I'm easy to leave, Stella and you would have done that too. I know what I did that day was morally wrong but I told you I am not like other people. I won't know what's wrong and what's right for you until you tell me."

My breath shallowed at the angry vulnerability he let me see. What was he doing?

"And just when have I ever asked you to love me? Hmm? Never. Just tell me how much do you have to love someone so that they don't love anyone else, I'd love you that much. And it'd be enough for both of us."

He...he...

"Christian..."

How was I supposed to hate him now? I knew...I knew me trying to run away had triggered him and somehow I believed him he didn't mean to force himself on me but...

Ughh!

"Please, forgive me. Don't...don't be mad at me. Ask for anything you want, I'll give it but don't go. Don't ignore me. I don't like it when you do that."

I struggled against his hold and he let me go instantly. I rubbed my jaw as I watched him clenching his own.

"I don't want your present."

He let out a ragged breath. "Stella, I don't know—"

"I want something else." I said. He raised his brow at that and I was almost sure he could read my face but even then he asked, "What?"

"A day in the city."

He watched me for a long time, probably trying to figure out what I was aiming for but he seemed completely at lost. Christian could be the most smartest and the most dumbest person in the room at the same time. You just had to be smart enough than him.

Finally, he nodded. "Fine. But not alone. With me. You'll go with me."

I huffed. "Fine."

He nodded again. "Does that mean you forgive me?"

I narrowed my eyes, "Does that mean you won't lose your cool again?"

He shrugged. "It depends on you. You have full control over me." I scoffed, completely irritated. "So, now it's back to me? I'm responsible for your every action?"

He nodded. "You are."

Sometimes, it was no use of talking to this man. Shaking my head, I started to leave but he caught my hand and pulled me to him so I was glued to his chest, his breath in my face.

"I'm not kidding, Stella. I'd do anything you say. You can treat me as your slave my whole life, I wouldn't care if it means I can be close to you. You can't even imagine the lengths I'd go for you. I can be anything you want, you just have to tell me how."

He could frustrate me and make me go speechless in a heartbeat. Just when I knew I had him figured out, he'd go and say shit like this. He was a different kind of crazy.

Like the crazy that would scare me. Would disgust me. Frustrate me. Harm me.

And now also, swoon me.

**********

After a long time :)
Okay, so not sure when gonna update next because we're taking a break :/
(Studying is so frustrating, you know *_*)

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