Memories of Jack & Eliza (BWWM)

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Jack

She wasn’t there when I opened my eyes.

It was like she was here and then she was gone and I felt alone.

 

         When I knew I started to like her, I did almost everything wrong. I kind of fucked her over. And I knew that because I did something bad and I was dumb. Now I was alone and I didn’t have bae. I wanted her to be more than bae, but that scares the shit out of me. Yes, I was a guy that flirted and had most girls falling over me. However, when this one wasn’t and I was falling over her…it scared me.

         She didn’t text me, and she didn’t look at me at school. Her name in my phone was “Eliza :(” instead of the usual heart emojis. I would catch her eyes, and she’d look at me and look away. “Who are you staring at?” I didn’t own up to what I did, because it hasn’t settled on me. But when it did, I felt the pressure in my face and these urges to cry. “Nobody,” I mutter and Seth never believed me. “Are you looking at Eliza?” Her name scared my heart. “She’s really pretty,” he talked on and on about her hair (which I loved) and the way her hips swayed (she had a nice ass) and the way her sweats looked floppy on her body (I thought she looked pretty) and the way she was clutching her phone in her hand.

        She hasn’t been texting me, and she held her phone like she’s waiting for it to buzz. “Weren’t you guys a thing? Low key?” And that was my problem. I was trying to hide her and keep her away from the other side of me. She just wanted to be more than a bae to me, and I had to ruin it. “I don’t know. I hoped we were.” I sighed. “And now you’re not?” My phone vibrated and a girl’s name popped up. “I’m taking that as a no,” He gets up from the table, and I stop him. “Don’t go up to her. It will seem like I sent you there.” He shrugs me off. “I’m just trying to break the ice. And wonder what’s wrong with her. If you’re not going after them, there has to be something up.” He praises me for my game, but it didn’t matter at this point. I wanted to be with her.

Damnit.

I see her walk in and I follow her with my eyes.

I try to move my hands to wave, but it still doesn’t work very well

“Hi” I hear her say to me. 

“Hi” I say, but I don’t hear it come out of my mouth.

“She told me to go away,” I immediately thought, ‘that’s how she was,’  “What else did she say?”  Was she talking about me? Please tell me she said something about me. “I asked her about the class we had together and what she thought about it. And then I asked her why she looked so bummed and she wouldn’t tell me. I shared some fries with her and asked her if it was boy stuff. She said yes and I said tell me about this boy.” She was talking about me to other people. I don’t know if I was flattered or not. “She said, ‘he’s a dick head and he’s selfish and dumber than I thought. I don’t know what I saw him in. It was just an attraction that grew too strong I guess.’ and I asked her what he did; she said, ‘he liked to sleep with whores because he was drunk and I didn’t do anything to help him.’ And I knew it was you, Ellis.” And I cringed and a tear came out without permission. That’s what I did.

Damnit.

        “Can’t you just forgive me?” I shout from the lunch room. Lunch was halfway over and I was taking a chance. I started to fucking cry; something was wrong with me. "No I can’t forgive you, damnit.” She walked over to my table. “I know what I did. I realized what I did and I’m sorry!” I had feelings for this girl and I didn’t know how they got there. “You didn’t think your drunken mistake would hurt me?” Her voice was soft.

         “Mistake, that’s what it was. And in those moments, I wasn’t thinking about you.” When I was throwing back shots, she floated out of my mind. “You weren’t there for me! I thought you’d be more than what I thought you’d be. I want to be with you damnit, and you weren’t there.” My mother and father threatened to send me away again if I didn’t get my grades up. “You wanted me there?” And the change in her tone made my heart beat even faster. “Yes. You were more to me than a tutor,” – “Oui. vous êtes pour moi plus un tuteur,” I spoke to her. Her eyes let up and she smiled. It was beautiful. I knew people were watching. Some people probably were just happy that I could speak more than 5 words in French.

Damnit.

I kissed her because I wanted to. I kissed her because I felt it.