The Unexpected (Janoskians Fanfic)

Chapter 23: Never ending pain

Crystal's POV
When we get home, I don't say a word. The girls are all giving me hugs and telling me things but I'm not paying any attention to anything. I block out their voices. I don't want this to be real. I want it to be a nightmare! I want to wake up now! I can't live life without him.. Then that's when the words come out of my mouth, "this is all my fault!" I knew they were going to say it wasn't but I went on, "it's my fault for two reasons. One because I didn't press charges on him... If I would have Omar would still be here. Two, those bullets were meant for me not him!"
Before they say anything I head upstairs but this time I didn't block out their voices.....
"She has a point," whispers one of them, "she should have never let him get free... It is her fault..."
I keep walking to my room. I lay in my bed... I bring my knees up to my stomach, hug myself, and cry myself to sleep. I didn't even notice until I saw Omar standing there in front of me. "This isn't your fault! None of it is! Look at me!"
I don't want to look at him because it is my fault but he puts a finger under my chin and lifts my face so my eyes could meet his. "God has plans for you! Remember that.. Remember that everything happens for a reason! We both love each other very much but things happen baby! Please don't blame yourself.. Don't be so depressed.." But how could I not be depressed when I've just lost my true love?

1 week later

I haven't really talked to the girls or anyone for that matter. People have told me they're sorry for my loss. I've been crying every day and night. I can't even sleep sometimes because I play the scene in my head over and over.. I leave the house before everyone else. I'm the first one at the funeral home. I see his body laying in the casket. I go up to him and a few tears fall from my eyes. I hold his hand and I can't help but to ask myself why. I give him a kiss one last time.

As everyone comes to mourn his loss, I take a seat. Then the priest begins to talk. I sit there calmly because it still hasn't really hit me that this is actually real. It has to be a nightmare. It has to be! Pictures of him since he was a baby to our wedding day play across on a screen in the front. The whole time tears are pouring out of my eyes and I keep praying to God to wake me up from this nightmare already.

But as soon as the priest says we have 30mins to say our last goodbyes... That's when I breakdown completely. I cry more and more as I go up to his casket and I scream, scream loud, "WHY GOD!? WHY HIM!? WHY NOT ME!? WHY!!!!!!" I fall to the ground.. My brothers come up to me and grab me and hug me.. I start breathing fast and I feel like I'm about to pass out. Jai, Luke, and Beau also come and try to calm me down. I'm breathing fast and the world is spinning and everything just goes black.

I smell alcohol, when I open my eyes, I'm outside. I bring my hands up to my eyes and just cry silently for a few minutes. The Brooks tell my brothers to let my mom know I'm okay and that they got it from here. I realize Jai has me in his arms.

Jai's POV
Crystal begins to hug me tight and I could feel her tears on my neck. I hate seeing her in all this pain! She lifts her head and looks into my eyes, "Jai, it's my fault. This is all my fault!"
"Crystal, this isn't anybody's fault.. You know I wish I was closer to you guys, wish I could have been the one to take the bullets.. I hate seeing you like this."
"Don't even say that.. I don't think I could ever forgive myself now, and if it was you, it would have still been my fault.."
Luke grabs Crystal before I could respond.

Luke's POV
She hugs me really tight. "I can't live like this Luke! This pain will forever live with me! I'll NEVER be happy again! I won't let myself. I don't ever deserve to be happy again. I'll make sure that for the rest of my life, I'll live in this pain."
"I know it hurts Crystal. We're all hurting. But I know your pain is different. Omar wouldn't want you saying these things, he wouldn't want you to feel this way.."

Crystal's POV
At this point, I don't care what anybody says. As we walk to the area where they will lay his corpse to rest, it begins to rain. As they lower his body, everyone begins to throw flowers in. I kiss my white rose, "I'm so sorry baby! I love you." Then throw it in.