Her Wolf Is Gone

Chapter 26

***Zara's POV***

Conlan's whole being started to seethe in tremors of intense anger. His eyes flashed molten gold as his face twisted. I can tell he's trying extremely hard not to lash out. Normally at this point he would hit something without mercy. While I'm thinking he'll strike the table with a fist, he breaks his pattern and storms out in a fit of rage. James and Theo are following him closely to the emergency door exit. The pair of them looked back at me with pity and frowns before following him into the cold darkness. Their glances somehow made me feel uneasy, when normally they were friendly and engaging.

A warm body brushed beside me and stayed. Rolland tilted his expressionless face down and offered an arm. Auntie was looking a bit aghast while she frantically looked from me to the now empty doorway.

"Not that he doesn't deserve it, but I'm disappointed in you." Auntie gently scolded to make it hurt more. "Do you enjoy riling him up?" I just stared at her as I was a little shaken and I didn't really know how to respond. 'Do I like his little outbursts?' "How many times has your mother and I told you to think before you speak? One of these days it will bite you in the rear. I'm surprised you still have one." She scoffed and then sighed. Her eyes softened when saw me quiver. I was really thinking that I have been acting like a child. Right here I have part of a pack that will kill and be killed for me because of no mistake of their own. 'I even had James defend me, and hopefully Conlan still wants to despite what has happened between us recently.'

"I'm sorry." I said softly.

"I know sweetheart." My deflated aunt sighed. "Sit down and finish your supper."

"I'm not hungry." With that I turned around. A red hot flush seared my cheeks as an ache formed in my chest. The dining hall felt too crowded now even though it was nearly empty.

"Zara." Auntie called as I was half way out of the room. Before I was out of sight I turned back to see Gamma Rolland had silently followed me. Just below his concerned face and over his shoulder I made out the figure of my aged aunt shaking her head before she sat back down at the now empty banquet table.

"Take my arm Alpha Luna." Rolland offered me his arm again. This time I took it. He stiffened a little, probably not expecting me to actually take his arm in mine.

"Thank you." I said. The flush spread further and stopped at the top of my head as I felt his piercing gaze linger. "And I'm sorry."

"You don't need to-"

"I do. You heard me in there." I stopped and turned to him. My gaze was firmly glued to the floor, but I felt the need to say this: "I don't deserve to be called an Alpha, or Luna, or Alpha whatever." Heat from my emotional state of anger and embarrassment was now spreading everywhere. The searing flush only intensified the pain I was feeling in my heart and body. "I never cared about The Veiled Moon Pack. Even when my mother tried to teach me before she. She." He stepped closer and his arms raised ready to hug me; to steady me. When I looked into his dark eyes his arms sank slowly back to his side. "I don't deserve that type of thing. I'm just a rogue. A rogue without a wolf." Tears welled and blurred my vision. Rolland just stood there. He was unmoving. He was expressionless, but he stared firmly back. Moments passed us by. With each breath I took I started to become calmer under his stoic gaze. 'Why was he so calm? Why hasn't he gotten upset?' "Why?" He answered me with silence, but there was a smidgen of mischief in his eyes that reminded me of my best friend. The thought of Fabian caused my heart to lurch painfully. "Why do you want me to be your Alpha Luna whatever? It doesn't make sense." I was the first to look away. A cold chill ran through me. My hands rubbing my forearms did little to assuage the chilliness I felt after the rush of heat left me.

"You don't know much about The Veiled Moon Pack, and there is much to say and fill you in on." He moved his head to hold my gaze once again. "But what I want. No. I need to tell you is that we have been corrupted and led by evil for a long time. We need someone that isn't hungry for power. We need someone that knows E.T. and how we live. You can't deny the certain charm it has right?" He smirked at me. "Being a rogue only adds to your appeal for the position. You're living proof that not all rogues are bad. Every wolf, whether they are in a pack or not, needs a place to call home."

"Yeah. But why choose me? I can't protect a pack like a good Alpha or a Luna. And I'm going to say this until you understand. I. Don't. Have. A. Wol-f." My voice cracked at the end of my declaration. It was so painful to keep repeating the fact that Gwen is gone. Every time I said it, heavy stones rained down on me to the point of being crushed. "I don't even know the first thing about pack life or what it takes to run a pack." 'Yes. Let's go with logic.' His stupid smirk only grew in size. Little laugh lines crinkled his eyes.

"You're going to be a great Alpha Luna."

"Seriously. Were you dropped on your head as a child?" I was completely defeated. 'This guy isn't going to give up is he?'

***

Later that night, Auntie returned to the room. I've been trying to sleep, but the silence was deafening. 'Another downside of being human. If I had Gwen I could have at least hear something other than absolutely nothing.' I thought as her mild shuffling brought a welcome relief to the overly loud silence of the dark room.

"Go to sleep sweetheart."

"How did you know I was awake?" I said in surprise.

"I'm a witch." She said flatly without missing a beat. "Now. Sleep. You need to rest."

Another ache in my chest began. "So do you." I said. Too many horrible events have taken place recently. Auntie was like my second mother and I hated seeing her look haggard. It has been the four of us since forever. But when I lost my mom and Gwen, it was Auntie, Grandma, and Fabian that got me back together after I came back from hell with a literal devil's mark on my neck. Their faces flashed before me in my mind's eye. Memories of my mother and I running together through the woods all excited about my first shift. The time Freddy came over to surprise Grandma with some new tea he found and forgot it at home only to have Grandma surprise him with the same tea. A tear rolled down my face as ugly regret stained my soul. 'Why did I distance myself from Uncle Patrick? Now he's gone, and I can't ever give him a hard time again. He was so good at comebacks.' I tried to stop the sob forming by holding my breath. 'Oh, I wish I could see Fabian.' His handsome face came to mind as I could hear him call me princess one more time in a tight hug. "Uhhh, huhhh." My breath came out louder than I wanted it to after trying to hold it in for so long.

"Oh, no. Sweetheart. Are you okay?"

"Are you?" I managed to squeak out between sobs.

"I'll be fine. So don't worry. Everything is going to be okay. No matter what happens, I love you, and I'll do anything to make sure you'll be fine."

"I can't lose you too."

"Hush, now. You'll work yourself up to the point that I'll have to take you to a hospital. You have a fever. Get some rest and we'll talk later."

Getting some proper sleep I knew is what I needed. It was my stupid brain that wouldn't let me slink off into slumber. The last straw was the soft snores coming from the other bed. I grabbed my coat Grandma left for me and slipped into my boots. There was no particular direction in mind as I made my way down the hall and back down the stairs. On the last step I felt exhausted and sat down. My head leaned against the tacky wallpaper.

"What am I doing?" I murmured to myself. Seeking comfort in the complete darkness, I drew my knees to my chest and slowly rocked. This was my breaking point. The flood gates were open as I mourned for my past lives. My life with warm childhood memories with my mom, grandma, aunt, Uncle Patrick, and Freddy swam out of me with every tear. Then my most recent life I painstakingly built with Auntie and Fabian gushed out of me in fretful sobs. At some point I curled up into a little puffy ball. Darkness was slowly finding me as my over exhausted and sick body couldn't keep my eyelids open. It felt good to have a good cry.