BOY KING (CFTM Prequel)

Chapter 60 *NEW*

But no matter how hard I want to lose myself in the soft warmth of her hand and the beachside calm—I can't. I can't get past where we are, even though I told to myself that I'd be strong enough to come here.

Lacey stops and turns around to face me when my feet stop working. I glance up at her briefly, just taking her in—hoping that the fragile smile on her face will keep me above water. But when she looks back at me, eyes soft and unassuming, hair messy and blowing every which direction in the wind—I see everything her mom's missing. I see a girl who's been through hell and back all on her own, but somehow still manages to smile just for me. Even on a day like today.

I stare down at my shoes the second I realize that not-crying is no longer a possibility.

The stones under my feet blur completely out of focus. I drag the back of my hand across my eyes like it'll make the tears magically disappear before Lacey gets close enough to see them. But she already knows. I feel it in the way she touches me. 

She takes my face in her hands and coaxes me into looking right at her—even though I'm embarrassed. Even though I'm more ashamed of losing control like this than she could ever understand.

At home, weakness has consequences. The King boys don't cry because crying is forbidden. Crying is something that can only be done in secret, or in the safety of my mother's arms, or into pillows where Dad can't hear. 

But now that I live alone with him, the rules have changed. I have to keep my door open so he knows what I'm doing at all times. I have to pretend that my house isn't a shell of what it used to be, and that living without the people I love the most isn't destroying me a day at a time.

I have to pretend that I deserve to be Malcolm King's son by acting like I'm as hollow and soulless as he is.

I have to act like I'm strong enough to be numb.

Like I'm past the point of feeling anything.

But I feel everything when I'm with Lace.

Sometimes more than I can handle.

And right now, I'm drowning.

The thing is, I wanted her to be able to lean on me today. I wanted to be able to stand tall enough to support her. To at least pretend to be her hero.

But I can't do that like this.

How can I take care of her if I can't even take care of myself.

I step away from her, but she doesn't let me move. She takes me into her arms and holds me exactly the way I need her to. I nuzzle my head into the soft slope of her neck and break out into a flurry of stuttered apologies.

"I promised myself that I wasn't gonna do this, Lace. I'm so sorry that I—"

"Do you know what I liked about you the most when we first met?" She says, and the light in her voice completely catches me off guard.

"I don't know. My face?"

Lacey bursts out laughing, and the sound buzzes through every inch of my skin.

"No, your eyes."

I lift my head up and stare at her completely confused.

"My eyes? You do realize I'm partially blind, right? Not that I couldn't pick your beautiful face out of a crowd, it's just—my eyes are kinda terrible."

Lacey shakes her head and lets a small, genuine smile bloom on her lips.

"I disagree."

"And why's that? 'Cause your stubborn?" I say.