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Briar

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Briar

Yesterday with West was the best day I've had in a while. 

I woke up this morning and headed to the washroom, I've managed to only scale once a week, even though I want to do more. 

If I was sick, I would do more. 

I weigh myself and I'm 133. 

It's not good enough though, I wanna to be as light as a feather, maybe lighter. I don't know why, I just do. Its feels good, too not know if that feeling in my stomach is because I'm hungry or because of the food I just ate. 

In a weird way, I want people to notice, but then again I don't. I don't want to be people's burden, or have them feel bad. I don't want help or need it. I'm fine. 

Going back into my room, I sit on my bed and open up my phone. I got an app called MyFitnessPal. The smile that was put on my face when I realized what it did, it counts the calories for me. Sometimes it pisses me off when it says I haven't eaten enough for my current weight and heigh. 

Fuck off. 

I only have debate today, so I'll end up seeing West. 

Looking in the mirror, I suck in my stomach but relax my shoulders so it doesn't look unnatural. I run my hands along my ribs and I smile the feeling. I pull back my thighs. Once I look like this, I'll be fine. But this is normal, everyone feels this way, I'm just insecure. 

I leave the apartment, not eating of course. I don't need to. Plus, I know West is going to ask if I want to come over and eat or go out or something so I have to prepare. If I ate now, I can't eat later, which will worry West. 

I have such a great life, I mean I'm in college, I have friends, I have a West, some people are dying and here I am complaining about my weight. I don't deserve anything I have, so the least I can do is not burden people with my problems. Walking into class, West waves my over to him, River and King. I sit next to West with River on my right and King besides West. 

"Hey Bri Bri." River says giving me a side hug. 

"Hello River," Turning my head, "Hello King." I say smirking, ignoring West. 

"Hello Briar," West says turning my head to give him a kiss. 

"Alright class," The professor begins, "Today we have our first assignment for our partners, I want you each to find a topic you both agree on and right an essay together on it. Highlight the parts you each wrote an email it to me by tomorrow's class. I have to end class early today because I have an appointment so you're all dismissed." 

Picking up my bags, Wests laces his fingers through mine as we walk out of the classroom. I get multiple stares from both girls and boys but I'm used to it. King and River ended staying behind to talk to their partners. 

"So you want to go back to the house to work on the essay?" Wests questions, leading me to his car. 

"Sure," I say stepping into the car as he closes the door. 

"You want to get something to eat?" HE questions as he begins to drive. 

"No, I had something before I came to class." I say looking out my window. I can't seem to lie to Wests face. I don't know why, I do it fine with everyone else, but I just can't do it with him. 

We pull up to the house, and West helps me out of the car. We enter the house and I see King and River playing games on the couch.

"How the fuck did you guys get here before us?" I question going to sit next to them. How the actual fuck are they faster then cars?

"Well Briar, West takes the long way whenever he drives you so he can spend more time with you." King teases looking towards West who is now sitting beside me on the couch. 

"Mhm is that true West?" I continue to tease. 

"Yeah well I kind of like you Briar Halt so deal with it, and King fuck off." West says smirking at me while moving his arm to wrap around me and I lean into his chest. We continue to hang out with the rest of the guys for a little while, but I stop joining in. West looks towards me and then towards the guys, 

"Alright guys, we are going to go work on our essay," West states picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. 

"West what the actual fuck!" I screech as his chest rumbles with his laughter. 

I'm too heavy. 

Too heavy.

"West I'm too heavy-" I begin but West cuts me off, 

"Briar, angel you are not too heavy you are perfect." He says unlocking the door to his room, placing me down on the bed. 

"Thank you." I say looking up at him. 

I haven't had much of social energy lately. I'm tired and get pissed off easily so I avoid it, except for West.  

Kissing me, West says, 

"You don't need to thank me angel." He pulls out his laptop and sets in up in front of us on his bed. We both go and lean up on the headboard. 

"Oh before we start, the guys got some pizza, I'm going to go grab us some." He gets up, kissing me, leaving the room. I quickly make me way onto the floor and begin doing sit ups. 

Pizza is over 200 calories, I have to prepare. In the middle of doing my sit ups, River barges in, looking at me. 

Shit

"Oh hey River," I say going back onto the bed grabbing West's laptop. 

"Hey Briar are you ok I heard grunting." West's floor is hard wood and it can hurt my spine. At home I just use a yoga mat. 

"Oh yea I'm good." I state firmly, ignoring what he walked in on. 

"Briar-" River begins but is cut off by West walking in, 

"River fuck off and get out of my room," West jokes and I'm so thankful he did. River looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't, he leaves. 

Everyone leaves and no one will notice. 

West and I set up on the bed and begin working on our essay. We finish it quickly, and end up just watching a movie on his bed. I had 2 slices of pizza, which isn't bad. 

I end up falling asleep, while watching the movie. 

I'm tired. 

Authors Note:

This chapter goes into more of what Briar feels like and once in a while I will throw in a chapter like this. It's easy to pretend with ed that you're fine, so getting a closer insight on what she's thinking I think was important. I know this chapter wasn't as light hearted, but Briar's life isn't. 

I think I'm going to add more Aspen and Emerson content? Maybe. 

Don't be a silent reader.

I made a tiktok account for this story so if you want to get a closer insight on some of the characters the @ is @donotsnitchpls1

As always constructive criticism is welcome but this is my first story so it isn't going to be perfect<33

Semi Edited. 

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