Winner Takes It All

Chapter 16

That night Leo dreamt that he kissed Xavier under a tree. They kissed and kissed but the longer they kissed the bigger the tree grew until its branches started to wrap around the sun and squeezed the light away.

It was a strange dream but Leo woke with the ghost of Xavier's lips pressed against his and he knew what he had to do. I'm going to tell him, today, Leo resolved then. He kissed me and I'm going to tell him.

They were halfway through a game of scrabble and Leo had just won 36 points from the word zen when his brain thought it was the opportune moment to tell Xavier.

"Forget about Liam," Leo blurted. His eyes widened in shock and he was desperate to take it back. Not now. I'm not ready.

"What?" Xavier asked, eyebrows raised in surprise, midway through the word placenta.

"Nothing." God Leo was so stupid. Why had he said that? Leo's hands trembled as he rearranged the letters.

"Leo what's going on?"

Could I do this? Could I put it all on the line for him? His eyes caught on Xavier's confused half smile. Leo felt his heart race and his organs twist into a bundle. "Xavier - Xavier I think I have feelings for you." Leo wrung his fingers, sick to his stomach.

Xavier flattened his hands on the table and stared at him for a long moment as though he were trying to decide if Leo was joking or not. "Are you serious about this?" He asked finally.

Leo nodded wordlessly, trying to form words past the lump in his throat. Why isn't he saying anything? Surely he would've said something by now if he felt the same?

Leo had taken a chance on him. He'd placed this new, vulnerable hope in Xavier's hands and now he was being careless, tossing it around as though it meant nothing.

Xavier spoke carefully, "I'm very flattered Leo but I don't know if -"

"You're wrong", Leo blurted. Xavier had to feel the same. He had to. Leo wasn't being crazy, he had given him signs. Xavier had kissed him for God's sake.

"What do you mean I'm wrong? Leo -"

"You feel something for me, I know you do." It couldn't end like this. Leo gripped the edge of the table, fingers numb.

"Leo I -"

"Xavier, no," Leo begged. He had ruined everything and now it was too late.

Leo scrambled to his feet. His hands were shaking. He pressed them against his mouth, as though they could push the words that had spilled out back in.

"Why did you kiss me?" Leo accused.

His eyes stung and Leo blinked furiously at the ceiling. He had been so sure that Xavier returned his feelings.

Xavier was silent for a moment. "I - I don't know."

"Why, Xavier?"

"I don't know!"

"Bullshit!" Leo seethed. "People don't just go around kissing people like that!"

"I don't know Leo! What do you want me to say? That I felt bad for you and -"

Leo sucked in a sharp breath. So that was it. Xavier pitied him.

Leo was making a fool of himself. He was making a fool of himself and he had ruined it all. Xavier didn't want him. How could Leo have been so stupid to think that Xavier wanted him? There was a growing ache in his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Leo repeated, desperate to fix the mess he had created. "Forget I said anything. Please forget I said anything."

This was only meant to be a small crush. So why did it feel like his world was caving in?