Once In A Lifetime (Life Struggle Series #1) COMPLETED

Chapter 24

"Sana pinatay na lang kita noon."

My heart breaks. My whole body is numb and everything kind of shuts down. My lips trembled as my tears slowly forming in my eyes.

This is not the first time she has said that. Ilang beses n'ya na iyon ipinarinig at ipinaramdam sa akin pero iba ang epekto sa akin ngayon. I went home feeling exhausted and all I wanted to do is to have a peaceful rest. Sumabog na ang halo halong emotions sa puso ko. I had enough of receiving pain, I had enough of being a useless person to the point that everyone wants me gone.

Ano nga naman ang ambag ko mundong ito? Wala naman! Mas mabuti pang mawala ako para mabawasan ang problema nila sa buhay, para...hindi na mahirapan si mama. I was the reason for her agony.

"M-mama...Ni isang beses ba n-nakaramdam kayo ng guilt sa p-pagpapabaya mo sa amin? May konsensiya ba kayo ni...Papa? Kasi ako Ma, iniisip ko pa lang na maiiwan ko ang mga kapatid ko ay nilalamon agad ako ng konsiyensiya ko..."

I looked at her with tears continuously falling. She is now sleeping peacefully after saying those six words to me. She's even smiling while sleeping as if she didn't regret why she had said.

"M-minsan ba pumasok sa utak mo na...kailangan namin ng nanay na mag-aalaga sa amin sa t-tuwing may...may sakit kami? N-nanay na aakyat sa entablado kasama ang awardee n'yang anak? Nanay na...na magpupunas ng mga luha namin? Nanay na... Nanay na kaya kaming ipagmalaki sa ibang tao? Mama! We need you. Your children needs you...I need you."

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko. I cried out loud. Ang pisngi ko ay sobrang basa dahil sa tuloy-tuloy na pag-agos ng luha. I put my hands on my aching chest.

"Ma, sawang sawa na ako maging ama't ina. Ayoko na. S-sana maging anak n'yo naman ako. Si Jassy na lang palagi. Ako...ako na lang, kayo naman ni papa oh?"

I did everything but they still labeled me as a useless person. Kahit anong gawin ko, wala pa rin akong halaga sa kanila. They still think I'm the worst person.

Do I deserve this treatment?

My family thinks I'm a useless person. I'm a burden to Nehemiah. My mother wants me to disappear. Are these enough reasons for me to end my life?

"Ate!"

I immediately wiped the tears on my cheeks and took a deep sigh.

"Jerly? Bakit?" I faked a smile.

I can't end my life yet. My siblings needs me. I should not be selfish. I should include them in the decision of my life.

Kahit ayoko na... Kahit gusto ko ng tumigil sa paghingi, hindi pa pwede. My siblings needs me.

Being alive feels an obligation.

"May bente akong kendi! Si Tito Nester ang nagbigay!" she said smiling.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Manong Nestor is my mother's boss when it comes to gambling. Nasa iisang team lang sila at si Manong Nestor ang leader noon.

I went near her, "Bakit ka n'ya binigyan?"

Jerly was about to answer when a shadow interrupted my gaze. Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko sa nakitang imahe ng isang tao.

"Jassy! Nandito ka na pala," Manong Nestor said while smirking.

"Oo," malamig kong tugon at hinila si Jerly upang itago sa likod ko.

Manong Nestor is older than my mother. He has this aura na parang babastusin ka anytime. His dark smile make it suspicious. Parang may masamang balak kung makatingin. Hindi pa nakakatulong ang kulot n'yang buhok na hanggang leeg at ang piercings n'ya sa tenga at ilong.