Once In A Lifetime (Life Struggle Series #1) COMPLETED

Chapter 21

tw / /  self-harm

Self-harm isn’t a suicide attempt or a cry for attention, it's a way to cope up with emotional pain. People who have done this activity shouldn't be considered weak people.

Individuals who are closed-minded might think negatively about them. They will label you as a "dramatic queen" as if they deprived you of everything.

They won't understand unless they became the victim of it.

I feel nothing. Hindi ko na maramdaman ang sakit ng katawan na naramdaman ko kanina. Kahit ngayon, I can see blood flowing on the floor but I felt nothing.

I pressed the knife even harder on my wrist.

"A-ayoka ng maramdaman 'to!" iyak ko.

I want to replace the emotional pain I'm feeling with physical pain...but I can't! Nasasaktan pa rin ako...my heart feels empty.

"A-ayoko pang mawala p-pero sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko...parang g-gusto ko na lang matulog h-habang buhay."

Kailan ako makakaranas ng magandang buhay? Kailan ako makakaramdam ng totoong saya? Sa anong araw titigil ang paghihirap ka?

Kahit sabihin kong kaya ko, kakayanin ko para sa mga kapatid ko...sukong suko na ako, pagod na pagod na ako. Gusto ko ng tumigil sa paglaban.

"Please...let me close my eyes and n-never open it again."

Humagulgol ako. I let go of the knife. Napasabunot na lang ako sa aking sarili kahit na patuloy pa ring dumudugo ang pulso ko.

"Ahh! A-ayoko na. Ayoko na... Ayaw na."

Patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak nang tumunog ang cellphone ko na nasa aking bulsa. I answer the call without looking who it was.

"Love?"

Mas lalo akong umiyak sa narinig na boses. I covered my mouth with my palm.

"Love? Are you c-crying?" nag-aalala n'yang tanong.

Hindi ko na napigilang umiyak nang todo. I heard him cursed upon hearing my cries.

"A-ayoko na..."

Ayoko ng mabuhay. Sixteen years of living in this kind of life is useless. I wasn't able to enjoy my childhood due to my parents' responsibilities given to me. I had to find a job at a young age to sustain our basic needs. Hindi dapat iyon pinoproblema ng musmo na bata.

A kid aging thirteen years old below should be problem-free. They should play outside like a normal kid is doing. Dahil kapag tumanda na sila, doon nila mar'realize kung gaano kahirap mamuhay, lalo na kapag mahirap ka. They wouldn't be able to laugh like they used to due to the conflicts of life.

"L-love... A-ayaw ko na."

I want my heart to stop beating. I want to stop receiving oxygen.

"L-love. I am here. P-please, keep going."

I shook my head while crying. Even his words can't comfort me anymore.

"I love you... I love you. I love you so much."

Doon lang ako natauhan. Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang hapdi sa pulso. Mas umiyak ako nang napagtanto ang ginawa ko. My hands started trembling. Nanlalamig na rin ang buo kong katawan.

I heard Nehemiah sobbing. My heart ached. Dinamay ko pa siya sa problema ko. I should keep my problems to myself.

"Mahal na mahal kita. Please, don't give up. Y-you can tell me what's wrong, love... Please, tell me."