{Marauders Oneshots} wolfstar+jily

6 Can't be there (in the way I need) (part 2)

Thanks to Ray for beta-reading this!

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Word count: 1719

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Remus spent the whole next day in bed.

Sirius spent most of the day next to him. They weren't speaking, and Remus supposed Sirius was trying to be comforting, but having him there just reminded Remus why Sirius thought he was upset.

That all he knew was the lie that Remus had told him.

That their whole friendship and relationship was based on lie upon lie upon lie. Remus could never be fully honest with Sirius as long as this secret was dividing them. It was so damn unfair to Sirius and Remus felt like such a horrible person for it.

He should never have agreed to be their friend. He should have kept pushing them away, just like he did in their first year. He should never have gotten together with Sirius. Should never have to deceive him. Should never have to let him think he was dating a normal person, when in reality, he was dating a monster.

"Hey, babe, it's okay. Slow breaths." Sirius rolled over and hugged Remus from behind, holding tight and pressing a few kisses to his neck. "I got you."

Remus hadn't realized till then that he was crying. He quickly wiped the tears away, and sniffed. Sirius held tighter.

It was three am and Remus was exhausted, but he couldn't fall asleep. He felt guilty for sharing a bed with Sirius, but he didn't know how to explain why they had to use separate beds, not without coming up with another lie, or breaking up with Sirius.

And Remus needed him. He was selfish, and awful and cruel, but he couldn't let Sirius go.

"Re?" He sounded worried. "Remus, look at me."

Sirius rolled him onto his back, grabbed his chin and forced their eyes to meet, but Remus was blinded by tears and Sirius' grey eyes couldn't calm him like they usually did.

Sirius started giving him instructions, telling him to breathe in a certain pattern, then telling him to list things he could see, touch, smell and taste. Remus rolled his toes and fingers while Sirius conjured a glass of water.

Minutes later, Remus was clutching the glass, and his breathing was, to an extent, back to normal. Sirius stroked his back gently while Remus took small sips from the glass, hoping to buy himself some more time before having to tell another lie.

"You okay now?"

Remus nodded.

"Sure?"

He nodded again.

Sirius bit his lip, but didn't press the subject. He pulled Remus back down and pressed a kiss to his nose.

"Ready to sleep now?"

Remus nodded, although he had probably never felt so awake.

"Do you want cuddles or space?"

"Space, thank you." Remus' voice was hoarse.

Sirius nodded, then carefully tucked Remus in before rolling over to his own side of the bed and whispering goodnight.

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