The Red String of Fate

In the Depths of Despair

Nathalie sighed. A wave of exhaustion washed over her. She would be lying if she said that adrenaline wasn't rushing through her veins. Her forehead, her hair, drenched in sweat. Her gloves, clingy to her skin, suffocating it. The blue plastic had turned into a deep purple, drenched in the blood of her friend. What the hell was she going to do? She couldn't fail in this. Failing wasn't an option. She had two more people to save. Patients had died in her hands. Again and again, and each time she delivered the news to the relatives, but it wasn't like this time.

This time, she knew Anya. What she'd been through. She was her friend. Anya was that one precious friend that Nathalie never had. She couldn't fail in this. Nathalie removed her gloves and thoroughly washed her hands before putting new, sterilised, blue gloves. She walked into the room. She took off her white lab coat, leaving only the blue suit beneath. She wouldn't be able to handle all that stress, all that sweating and anxiety whilst wearing extra clothes.

She sat on the stool next to Anya's bedside, and watched her rhythmic breathing. She reached out to Anya's limp hand, and held it in her own, feeling the cold on her skin. The blue suit that she was wearing was still drenched in blood and she had no time to change it. Anya's blood . She felt the exhaustion washing over her again and she wondered – how the hell was she going to do this? She told that to herself, today, when she was informed by Zeke that he was bringing Anya to the hospital. Nathalie had taken a moment and stared at the mirror as she thoroughly washed her hands for another surgery. She had told herself that this was going to be another day as a doctor.

But this wasn't just one other delivery that she had to run. It wasn't just one other day in the hospital. She had never run such a delivery. She couldn't let Anya die. She couldn't let that precious little life inside of her die. She couldn't let anybody die today. Not on her watch . It always made her a wreck when her patients died in her hands whilst she knew if she was better, she could've saved them. But Anya – she knew Anya. She was attached to Anya in a way that she couldn't explain because she had little to no experience when it came to friendships and interactions with other people. But Anya was important. She had given a promise to save her life. She had promised to Levi, to Anya, to herself , that she wasn't going to fail this time. She knew Anya could hear her.

"Anya," Nathalie gave Anya's hand a gentle squeeze. She kept her voice low as she held back her tears. She had to keep her composure. As a doctor she was expected to be emotionless – to have that strong mask on her face whilst she performed what she knew best. Nathalie gritted her teeth and blinked those useless tears away. She had to get it together . "Anya, please. We... we can't do this. He can't do this. I can't do this,"

She looked at the peaceful face on her unconscious friend. She almost looked serene, laying there with her long eyelashes accentuating her closed eyes, and her hair falling softly to the sides of her shoulders. No. She knew death was more bearable than living. But by God, she needed to wake up. She needed to help her deliver the baby. She needed her to stay alive. Just stay alive. She had things to do. She was a mother, a wife. After so long, she had just found her happiness, and now, she was going to leave? Just like that?

Nathalie swallowed as she stood up. "Wake up!" She growled. Her fingers clenched around her own. "C'mon! I know you can hear me! I know you're exhausted. I know you want to rest but you can't rest, cause you're not done here!" She cried out. She couldn't help it. She wasn't going to allow her friend make the biggest -and possibly her last- mistake in her life. "We need you to wake up! Please, we can't choose... He can't choose, how does one choose between these,"

Nathalie could feel the tears begin to slip down her cheeks, as she looked from the heart monitor to the nurse who was changing the pad underneath Anya - soaked in blood.